You Are Omnipotent

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You, <insert name here> (19?? – 2021) were born several years ago and now You are Omnipotent.


Omnipotent Omnipotent Omnipotent.

You can whine and bitch. Because you can. You are omnipotent.

You at least want some questions answered?
Well, you can have them answered, omnipotent boy. Because you are omnipotent.

And that also goes for the smart bitch right there that just said "I'm not a boy". You're omnipotent too.

Welcome to omnipotency[edit]

In your (whatever-number-You-want-because-You-are-omnipotent) venture into omnipotentcy, you may notice how the weather is whatever you want, and there is only days you want. Or more specifically, you may have noticed how "weather" bends to your will. Force yourself into a nonalarmed state. Do not be alarmed. Because you are omnipotent. In fact, you may find in your omnipotent state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your living days are conspicuously in your control.

Remember how, when you were not omnipotent, you could waste hours and hours watching daytime (and probably night-time) television? Well, this is exactly like that, except you can waste everything.

Perhaps you have noticed a light shining in the distance. You can approach it. In the past countless other people not like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was the gate to heaven, or possibly an angel, or even God. However, it is none of the above. It's my cell phone blinking. I have mail. You can have some though. Because You're omnipotent.

As for any friends or family you have, please rest assured. You will never have to worry about them again. You will have that capability, but you can make it not so. They'll probably be going out for fajitas, napping, or maybe fishing in the creek or something. You should know. They may even be laughing at you, but don't count on it. Because if you don't want them to, they won't. Anyway, they're doing fine, all things considered.

Things to do while Omnipotent[edit]

You can do everything. Because you are omnipotent.

You Are Omnipotent FAQ[edit]

  • Q: I was a good person all of my life. I lived honestly, I respected others and I made every effort to help those in need, whether family, friend or stranger. So, where do I cash in on this?
  • A: You're omnipotent. Wherever you want.

  • Q: I was basically a selfish, belligerent asshole throughout my entire life, but I still think I was pretty sweet. What do I get?
  • A: You're omnipotent. Whatever you want.
  • Q: An adventure. Whoo!

  • Q: Why does the bad person get to go on an adventure and I don't?
  • A: You can. Because you are omnipotent.

  • Q: If I hadn't read this article would I never have been omnipotent?
  • A: Whatever you want, because you are omnipotent.

  • Q: Can I go on that adventure now?
  • A: No.
  • Q: But I am omnipotent!
  • A: Well, what I say goes.
  • Q: But then I'm not omnipotent!
  • A: You still are. Because you are omnipotent.

  • Q: Can I turn you into a zombie?
  • A: ...No.

  • Q: How about a ghost?
  • A: No.

  • Q: Maybe a vampire?
  • A: No!!!

  • Q: Werewolf?
  • A: No!!!!! That doesn't even make sense!

  • Q: Animated skeleton?
  • A: SHUT UP!!!!!


“Make a rock you cannot lift and lift it. By just saying that, do you even have omnipotence anymore?”

~ Captain Paradox on your omnipotency

Is that possible and/or can you brutally slaughter Captain Paradox? Well, it is and you can. Because you are omnipotent.


Bye bye now. But not if you don't want to go. Because you are omnipotent. Dancingmilk.gif