Altitudeism

Altitudeism is a condition that affects children who move from lower altitudes to higher altitudes. If left untreated it will clog up their retinas and lead to an eye disease known as cornicopimyosisymbioticism type II. If the pressure has built up in some other area such as the nose pustular lymphomatic enosnea can develop.

A child may exhibit one or more of the following symptoms; obsession over funny movies like Schindler's List, a sudden expansion of their vocabulary making adults feel downright stupid, and for some reason engaging in boring monologues with you.

You can cure this scummy; I mean unfortunate disease by making regular visits to your local cliff (approximately 200 feet tall) and making a practice of dropping your child off of it into the water below. The sudden altitude drop will take away some of their high altitude symptoms but that's only the first step on your child's path to wellness. If you want to prevent recrudescence of your child's symptoms you must be persistent with all of these steps.

These steps.

1. Blow into their ears really hard to release pressure. This works best when your child is amongst their peers; for that is when your child is liable to experience symptoms.
2. If your child is fast asleep you may as a parent sneak up to them and scream as loud as you can at them. It simulates a panic attack which will surely help the child grow. This will also help your child with learning to put others needs before himself and accept the natural order of the food chain of the spectrum thingy of smarterer people to unsmartererer people.

Hey! The number L kind of looks like the telephone number 7 if you have a speech impediment. Hey; I bet they would look exactly the same in England where everything is backwards.

It is important to be the dominant one in the relationship with your child with altitudeism and to help your child with altitudeism become more grounded. Climb to the top of the parental spectrum, become the grand pooh bear and color in your own coloring book. Never let go of your parental duty to push. Heh heh! Doodie to push.

There are ways to play with your child with altitudism. Play ducking or crawling games with him. He will appreciate the small gesture. Have you ever played make believe? Sometimes you as an adult need to revert back to when you were a kid. Make believe you are both worms. You may also engage in Simon Says. Oh, wait sorry; Simon Says you may also engage in Simon Says. Never engage your child in humor like that though. Keep him as far away from it as possible. He is just liable to learn new vocabulary words from that. Penis.

You may also engage in music with him though. Try to find tracks like Down with the sickness by Disturbed, or Get down on it by Kool & The Gang. He will appreciate and identify with people who have the desire to "get down" like himself. This will probably lead to bonding with your child; this is good. But if he tries to pat you on the back remind him of his wellness plan and that he is not encouraged to be up, and quickly squat down to miss his pat.

Hopefully this has been quite a helpful bonding tool to use against your child and he will learn that he shouldn't have spent his childhood writing uncyclopedia articles and should get his 44 year old lazy ass off of the couch and do something with his life.

Recognizing Altitudeism

Sir August Rush of the former Dutch colony now known as New York has a classic case of altitudeism

Some prominent people with altitudeism are:

• Jimi Hendrix
• The Swiss and Nepalese
• Birds
• Himalayan medicine men
• Cheech Marin
• Towelie from South Park
• Adam West (whom is dreadfully afraid of being above places he has been before).
• Adam Sandler