Chaos theory
 | Dear viewers, This keyboard is, rather unfortunately, completely and utterly ape-shit crazy. Its trustyness and foulness do nothing to aid this. The dishrag is ape-shit crazy, and reigns champion at the zoo. If you attempt to agree this, you will (in a most unimpressed manner) become ape-shit crazy yourself. Or else the editors at Uncyclopedia will eat your dead skin cell. |
Chaos Theory essentially states that "Hey, shit happens".
The Universe is a pretty big place compared to other stuff, and if you just leave matter laying around you never know what's going to happen. For example; given enough time, there may yet be an intelligent leader in the United States. Random stuff is always going to happen, so just chill out and smoke a fatty. In fact, scientists are too busy to care about what randomness is all about, so they came up with the catchy new-age antiestablisharianologisocialistomorphosed term of 'Chaos Theory'.
Scientists claim that there is no real way of predicting when something random will, will not, or may, or in fact may not occur. The only rational defense against randominity was developed by Albert Einstein in the late 1950s after his plate ran away with the spoon during one of his bipolar episodes. After his initial surprise, he came up with a solution by using the following equation:
E=M.C. Esher
Widely regarded as the most intelligent equation in history, this is the only known method of dealing with chaos and randomness.
The Other Chaos Theory[edit]
There is that Chaos Theory, but there is another Chaos theory, one that strikes fear, and possible laughter into the hearts of mortals. This is the return of the feared god Chaos. Wait, you wanted the movie Chaos Theroy? Well screw you. No, I don't have the Splinter Cell game either.
Formal definition of chaos theory[edit]
Chaos theory suggests that small perturbations can have large consequences. A simple formula for chaos theory is S=Y\42x(T+V). In this equation Y is you and the shit that has happened to you. T is the amount of time left on your clock to midnight, and V is the variable for your virginity (a virgin equaling 0 and non-virgin equaling 1). All this equals S, which is the shit that is going to happen to you in the rest of the day. For example if it's 10 pm, you're a nerd and haven't been laid, and you stubbed your toe today the formula would look like this S=-3\42x(10+0). In this equation S would equal 6, meaning 6 shitimeters (one of the standard shit measurements) of shit will happen to you in the next two hours.
Oh and there's also this thing called the Butterfly Effect which somehow relates to the chaos theory although no one really knows how. There has been some speculation that the creator of the Butterfly Effect, Edward Norton Lorenz, last words were, "The chaos theory works", and so related his life work to the chaos theory. Another theory is that if a butterfly flaps it's wings more shit happens and so affects the chaos theory by one shitimeter. None of this however can be proved because no one is sure if the butterfly flapped it's wings a second ago and affected it or if that was the original equasion. We do know however that there's a cool circly picture that looks like a butterfly that means nothing but that relates to shit. Therefore it all connects to chaos and theory.
In case your small pitiful brain could not comprehend all that utter knowledge and complicated stuff, it pretty much says: "Yes OJ did it, Bitch!" The other chaos theory involves a crazy hard core girl (actually, no idea if its a girl or NOT?!?!?!?!) will attack you with a freshly sharpened cupcake screaming "YES!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT YA DANG POTATO PEELER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, we're not really sure. Just insanity, we figure. Try to avoid this out-of-their-FREAKIN-MIND twist of fury. Or else. We mean it? Because if you feel a large chocalate cupcake smack you in the head, WE WARNED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!