Chindogu

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“It's hard to be me: if only my social life left me some time for Chindogu, it would only benefit from it.”

~ Oscar Wilde

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Chindogu.

Chindogu is a Japanese expression, named after Yadayada Sapetoku who was known for the dazzling amounts of time and energy he spent to be creative useless. It has everything to do with uselessness and virtuosity. It can be a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, or a yet-to-invent grammatical item. Well, let's start with the applications that already have been researched, shall we?

Grammar[edit]

Chindogu Nouns 

Chindogu, pl. Chindogus, diminutive Chindoggy
  • A person capable of an extraordinary performance, the development of which has costed him or her an insane amount of time, and that is as spectacular as it is totally useless.

Example:

“I'm tired of watching all those Chindogus on YouTube!”

~ David Copperfield watching a video of himself

  • The aforesaid performance itself

“There he goes again: another Chindogu!”

~ David Copperfield still not aware of who that Chindogu is

  • A Bavarian folk dance.
Fancy Bavarians doing the Chindogu.
  • An object that resolves a painfully banal human problem, and causes a couple more when applied.

Example:

“Take that Chindogu off the chimney, I can't see a thing through all that smoke!"”

~ Ray Charles on his new parabolic-antenna-that-also-keeps-the-rain-out-of-the-chimney

  • An animal that has been trained to do something remarkable and utterly superfluous.

Example:

“This dog is a real Chindoggy: it is trained to guard e-mail boxes!”

~ Charlton Heston on his new guard dog


Chindogu Verb 

I Chindogu, you Chindogu, he Chindogus,
we all Chindogu, and they're at it too!
Only yesterday I've been Chindoguing,
because this bloke on YouTube had Chindogued one time too much!
  • To perform something very special, something that even could resolve a nagging daily petty problem, while causing collateral damage galore.

Example:

“I am very proud to announce the intensive Chindoguing our bombers have done earlier today.”

~ The Secretary of Defense once too much


Chindogu Adjective 

Chindogu, Chindoguer, Chindoguest.
  • Indicates that, however clever and well thought out[1] a noun is, it all boils down to something completely useless, a nuisance even.

Example:

“I feel so Chindogu today, isn't that hawt?”

~ Paris Hilton.

  • People will always try to outclass each other, and this Adjective can contribute a lot to that social phenomenon.

Example:

“This is the Chindoguest person I've ever met!”

~ Pacman on Barbara Bush.


Chindogu Adverb 

Chindoguly
  • Indicates that even a an unsuspicious adjective or verb can go miles resolving simple troubles through complicated contraptions.

“I feel so Chindoguly hawt, is that normal?”

~ Paris Hilton again.

Exercises[edit]

New Grammatical Items Try to find a Chindogu application that can be considered one of the following grammatical items, and use it in a sentence.

  • Article: ________________________________
  • Preposition: ________________________________
  • Conjunction: ________________________________
  • Smurf: ________________________________
  • Other: ________________________________

Please note the last line, and feel free to add a brand new grammatical item to Shakespeare's tongue!

Translate the following sentences:

  • I Chindogu so Chindogu today, isn't that Chindogu?[2]
  • A Chindogu Chindogu Chindoguing how to Chindogu is a Chindogu Chindogu[3]

Please find the solution further down there somewhere.

Now, isn't that a Noodly invention?

Chindogu FAQ[edit]

  • Q: I can do something useless and stupid, is it a Chindogu then?
   A: No it isn't, you useless stupid!
  • Q: I am useless at about anything. Am I a Chindogu?
   A: No you aren't, you useless piece of uselessness!
  • Q: I studied a lot to become useless, and got my degree. What kind of jobs are there for me?
   A: What does that have to do with the price of fish you plonker

The Philosophical Aspect, or Chindogu NFAQ[edit]

  • Do all our actions and the results thereof need to be useful?
  • Are things around us as useful as we think them to be?
  • What would the world be without Chindogu?
  • Why am I asking you?

You made it![edit]

Real-time counter keeping track of the number of times the word Chindogu has been read today.

Yessss! Congratulations! Awarddeservingly and most Chindoguly, you got through the whole page![4] That means that you might be willing to know how much the word Chindogu has been read today, and this nifty high-tech device on the right will help you with that. Your performance also shows that you're The Real McCoy, and that you'll probably be able to crack a record -cloc- crack a record cloc- crack a record -cloc- crack a record -cloc- crack a record...

Indeed, the Guinness Book of Records keeps track of shots at the following categories:[5]

  • Biggest Chindogu, and its counterpart, the Smallest Chindogu.
  • Longest Chindogu, and its etc...
  • Silliest Chindogu, etc...
  • Oldest Chindogu.[6]
  • Fastest Chindogu.
  • Chindoguest Chindogu.[7]

You're good![edit]

Chindogu counter-bis.

Now you've done it again... that's why there is a second counter here. You'll have noticed by now that it is slightly ahead of the first one, and I hope I don't have to explain why. Since you're good. Shindogu but good.

References[edit]

  1. ↑ Years may have passed while refining it!
  2. ↑ I smurf so smurf, is that smurf?
  3. ↑ Un schtroumpf schtroumpf schtroumpfant schtroumpfer est un schtroumpf schtroumpf.
  4. ↑ We'll forget about the references: they're only there to add a research touch to the page anyway...
  5. ↑ Again, feel free to add a category: uselessness is not the only aspect of Chindogu. Creativity, bro, creativity!
  6. ↑ And its counterpart. You knew it, didn't you?
  7. ↑ Even this one has its counterpart? True!
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