|WARNING! This article is designed to offend.|
If you are not offended by it, please edit it so that you will be in the future.
For an example of how to be offensive, see: Cannibalism
This article is dedicated to the Cunt. There are many variations of the term "cunt" so we will cover them over the coarse(sic) of the next few chapters.
To explain what a cunt is, we have to first teach you about the vagina. The vagina is that area found between most females' thighs, 2 to 3 inches from their sphincter. The vagina looks much like God took an axe and swung a hole-in-one between the female's legs. It can take on various hairstyles, such as looking as if the lady's legs tried to swallow Don King but couldn't digest the top of his scalp. Others may look nicely trimmed, resemble the shape of Brazil, have a clit sticking out of it so big that it looks like a control tower directing micro planes to land on the Brazilian strip, or may even be completely hairless due to shaving or pre-pubescence.
So we can all now agree that the vagina is what it is: an axe-wound looking hole between the female thighs.
So what is a cunt? Well to put it simply, everything surrounding and including the vagina is the cunt.
When people call someone else a "Cunt", it's usually because they're acting like a cunt, and not the vagina part. See, people like to fuck vaginas, whether it be someone else's, or their own. So keeping that in mind, we now know that a cunt is not someone or something we want to engage in sexual pleasure with. Thus, a typical person who is a "cunt" may be a family member, your priest, a Muslim or Jesus. Jesus should be the biggest cunt in your life, because if you are having sexual thoughts about the messiah, you are a dumb cunt.
Bunch of cunts
A collective term used for a group who individuals who practice being Cunts like Jonny Wilkinson practices his kicking - its their passion and simply excel at it like no other. Take Daniel Marshall, Brendan Hession, Romain Chanard and LeighJay Lawrence as an example. Current holders of the Team Cunt Award they've managed to hold this title since 2011 and go from strength to strength with their top cunty ways.
This term is used to upgrade the epithet 'cunt' from merely calling someone 'the surrounding area of a vagina' to 'the surrounding area of the vagina located on a retard'. Retards are often people who are referred to as "spethshall", or as having vaginas that smell of piss. Other forms of retards are inbreds, jehovah's witnesses, fucked rednecks, the population of Arkansas, scientologists, or any combination of such. So, when the occasion arises when you call someone a 'dumb cunt', you may now be assured that you are calling them the outer surrounding areas of a retard's vagina.
This phrase can be taken in two ways. a} The person thinks you stink, and you are a cunt. b) The person is now calling you the outer limits of a vagina which stinks.
Her Cunt Stinks
This is the proper way to address a vagina that smells bad. As mentioned above, 'Smelly cunt' usually refers to the person themselves stinking, whilst saying a person's cunt smells or stinks is a much clearer way of getting the message across that the vagina you were eating out smelled so bad you had to push your nose into her asshole in order to smell something more refreshing. For more information on cunts that stink, look up Skanky Pussy or eX-Box.
The word Cunt is not always used as a demeaning word, in some countries. Well, when I say 'country' I mean Australia, Ireland and Scotland, which may not qualify as such in everyone's books. Let's call them CUNTtries. In these CUNTtries, they use the word "Cunt" as a form of greeting, self expression, and in jolly old fun. For example: if in the USA one was to walk into a room with no lights on and trip over a chair, one might use the word in a negative way, in blame, by saying; "What dumb cunt left that in my way?", whereas an Australian in the same situation would light-heartedly scream: "What a cunt! I should have turned the fucking light on."
The word can also be used in the same context as "That dude is so funny", simply by altering the sentence to "That cunt is so funny". This is not meant in an insulting way at all. It is merely that the person saying it doesn't know the subject's name, and "Cunt" is a name that fits well with their personality.
Sometimes the word Cunt can actually be used as an acronym for other things, such as in the case "Caring Understanding Nineties Types" which kind of died out once the 90s were over, won't be reactivated for quite some time, and seems to have a sense of irony now. It may also stand for those special people who Can't Understand Normal Thinking, but may C U next Tuesday. There are also cunts in sports, for example the Canberra University Netball Team (C.U.N.T) in Australia.
A Cunt of a story
When ex-Australian prime-minster John Howard was first elected into office, he called up the Queen of England to announce that since he was running the place, Australia would be known as a principality. The Queen informed Mr Howard that he could not do that, because he was not a Prince. Mr Howard said that he would then change Australia into an Empire, to which the Queen replied that he could not do that either, since he was not an Emperor. Attempting again, Mr Howard declared that Australia should be a Kingdom. Her Majesty pointed out that Mr Howard was not a King either, and helpfully suggested that the best thing to do is to call Australia a country.
The Honda Cunt
The Honda Cunt is the true definition of "the ladies car." Originally named the Honda Fitta, it was changed due to name disputes with the popular "El Fitta Fajita" restaurant in the Cuntry of Sweden. One optional feature is self growing pubic hairs, they cost just an additional ¥4,000,000,00. While for just an extra ¥4,000,000, you can get your self growing pubic hairs freshly farmed from a slavery in Bangladesh, the hairs have been modified to continue growing even while separated from the human body. It is generally recommended that with this feature you purchase a pair of scissors, as things can get even to the level of your mom.