Dolphin uprising
| Dolphin Uprising | |
|---|---|
| |
| Date: 2007-2009 | |
| Place: American Coast, Persian Gulf, Oceans, Among others. | |
| Outcome: Human Victory | |
| Dolphins | Humans |
| Political affiliation | |
| 卐 Fascist | ☭ Varied |
| Commanders | |
| George W. Bush † | Josh Peck † |
| Strength | |
| 2,225,000 | 2,000,000 |
| Casualties | |
| 3,458,983 God damned Nazi-Dolphins | 857,391 Marmots 1,251,213 Beavers 1,107,312 Humans |
The 2008 Dolphin uprising was a deadly war between the Dolphins and the Humans lasting from 2008 to 2009 and ending in a Human victory. While the Humans won the war, it was not a total victory as Dolphin King Exxon slipped away to his covert ocean hideout, hidden beneath an oil spill. The war was deadly, as a total of 4,317,587 beings died as a result of the two year war. They were all Canadian.
The Uprising[edit]
The war started as a result of the perceived declining quality of snacks (fish) at Sea World. beginning on February 12th. 2007 after a pod of Dolphins made a surprise assault and bombed and sunk the HMS Titanic 2 on its maiden voyage. Over One Thousand Humans were killed in the attack, and within days all the member states of the League of Nations had declared war on the Dolphin coalition. After a week of war American and British ships had suffered heavy losses (Approx. 3,000 killed) to Dolphin attacks. Although very successful, the Dolphin military efforts were uncoordinated. American President George W. Bush (Most world leaders are in fact Dolphins) was appointed leader of the Dolphins, this was for three reasons:
- Bush was very popular among humans and could win sympathy among the human populace.
- He had connections.
- He knew a human when he saw one.
Josh Peck[edit]
In a surprisingly diplomatic move all the citizens of the world (or at least everyone with a Myspace page) voted on who would lead the world to victory over the Dolphin menace. Relatively unknown actor Josh Peck received the most votes barely beating out Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Tom Hanks. Many all over the world were stunned by such an illogical decision. Many wondered why a politician had not been appointed the role. The common reply to this treason was that to win the war the people of earth had to think outside the square, and what better way to think out of the box than to put a little known actor into the position of running the planet?
The Early War[edit]
On March 3rd 2007 18,000 Dolphin troops landed on the New Brunswick coast (fully clad in protective armor to protect from the dry air). The invasion was successful at first as the Dolphins pushed thirty miles into Canadian territory, before being beaten back by rabid beavers (there are no people in Canada). The Beavers' victory was costly however, as 20,713 beavers were killed for the loss of 1,800 Dolphins.