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The Solvay Conference of 1927 featured speeches from Einstein, Heisenberg, Curie, and a giant talking doody.

Doody (British spelling: Dooudy) is a common slang term for the brown chunkies that come out of my tushy hole. Though "Doody" is a term used mostly by toddlers up until the age of six or seven, doodies played a very important role in the development of quantum physics. They are also really smelly.

The First Solvay Conference[edit]

The first Solvay Conference was held in Brussels in the autumn of 1911. The conference started on a Monday and ended on a Friday, thus providing ample time for each of the twenty-four participants to make a doody in the potty. According to a rumor circulating around the physics community, Heike Kamerlingh Onnes, a particularly rotund gentleman, made a doody that was so large that it clogged up the potty, possibly with the assistance of paper. Embarrassed by his folly, Onnes left the potty as it was, much to the displeasure of Frederick Lindemann, who was next on line.

The Second, Third, and Fourth Solvay Conferences[edit]

Due to the doody-in-the-potty disaster that occurred at the First Conference, physicists participating in the second Solvay Conference in 1913 were forbidden from making steamy doodies within a 300 meter radius of the University of Brussels. This regulation was put in effect during the third and fourth Solvay Conferences as well and forced participants to travel to obscure eateries to make their massive doodies. Restrooms at these locations were intended for paying customers, resulting in the unnecessary purchases of at least fifty slices of cherry pie. The constant stream of doodying scientists entering and exiting the campus also prevented anyone from accomplishing anything important during the conferences.

The Fifth Solvay Conference[edit]

Pauli and Bohr squatting as if to make doodies.

Due to complaints about the doody situation at the three previous conventions, making doodies on the university campus was once again permitted during the fifth Solvay Conference in 1927. Albert Einstein and Neils Bohr, who had spent most of the previous conference holding in their doodies, no longer had to worry about making doody in their trousers as there was a nice, clean potty only fourteen feet away, leading to a series of intense debates between the two men. Sadly, Théophile de Donder ruined it for everyone by spraying out a runny doody, some of which landed on the potty seat.

The Sixth through Twenty-fifth Solvay Conferences[edit]

De Donder's runny doody sprayage marked the end of relevant Solvay Conferences. Once again forced to either hold in their doodies or leave the area, the physicists present at the sixth Solvay Conference contributed little, especially Jules-Émile Verschaffelt, whose reoccurring tummy aches caused him such discomfort that he supposedly allowed one or two mini doody nuggets to slip into his undies. Throughout the next nineteen Solvay Conferences, most of the discussions concerned doody rather than quantum mechanics. During the 1964 Solvay Conference, Oppenheimer supposedly referred to photons as "Magic Super Doodies," as he was so concerned that he would stain his tighty whities that he could think of nothing else.

See also[edit]

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