Edmonton Oilers

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Edmonton Oilers

That's not an oil drop, that's a tear for losing Gretzky

Edmonton Oilers.jpg

Ice Capades forever


Division Pacific?! Pacific??
Founded 1972 or 1979
Arena Donnan Arena

Edmonton (Capital of oil spills)


Ornj, navy blue, white

Fans running for exits

Buncha corporate fellows

General manager

A Gretzky brother (temp hire)

Head coach Alfred Hitchcock
Captain Some Canadian
Stanley Cups

5 (none recently dammit)

Conference championships

Soon come

The Edmonton Oilers are a National Hockey League team based in Edmonton, Alberta.

The 70s[edit]

In 1971 A.D, far in the East, Wayne Gretzky instructed 3 people to add more hockey teams in the West. The two teams were named Edmonton Oilers and Calgary Broncos. But the WHA Hockey League lured the two teams in exchange for a Chicken Sandwich. Calgary refused, but Edmonton played all from 1972 to 1979. On May the 200th of 1979 the Edmonton Oilers were in the last Game of WHA vs Winnipeg Jets. Wayne Gretzky appeared in the game, and shot a puck at a Jet and the jet fell from the sky, crashing the Winnipeg arena. The Jets won because of the incident. Peter Pocklington was at the game, and on Decemeber 31, 1979, the Oilers entered the NHL (That's why people call the Oilers' first season 1979-80).

The 80s[edit]

The 80s were the Oilers greatest. In 1983, the New York Islanders won the Stanley Cup. After the game, Wayne Gretzky vowed revenge on the Islanders. The next year Oilers won (and the year after that). In 1986 Round 2 the Oilers faced the Calgary Flames. Lanny McDonald, equipped with The Moustache and The Magic Hockey Stick, went into action. The Flames won 3-2 because Defenceman Steve Smith tipped it into his own net. Wayne Gretzky video reviewed it, and Lanny McDonald used the Magic Hockey Stick to make the puck go into the net, though no one believed it. The Oilers won 2 more Cups before Wayne Gretzky was traded to the Kings, in exchange for Jimmy Carson's famous Pork and Coleslaw Ranch Wrap in 1988.

The 90s[edit]

Edmonton won the 1990 Cup before descending into the Darkness. Many Oilers traded away their players for sandwiches, soups, and wraps. The situation became bad very quickly.

The 2000s[edit]

The only bright spot in this decade was when the Oilers went to the 2006 Finals and lost when an UFO raided all the hockey sticks, and resulted in Mass Brawls.

The 10s[edit]

In the 2015 Draft, the Oilers had two options - Get a lifetime supply of Cornbread or get the #1 player Connor McDavid. The Oilers were not too greedy and so they chose McDavid. McDavid hasn't helped, the Oilers made the playoffs once since 2006, in 2016. On November 20 2018 the Oilers put on fire Coach McLellan and he was in the Emergency Room for 20 days. On January 22, 2019 the Oilers threw dynamite at General Manager Peter Chiarelli and he was stuck at the hospital for 40 days. One Edmonton resident said "General Managers whose names are Peter are bad luck".

Milan Lucic fights a Flame in a wildfire.