It's hard out here for a pimp

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“Really? I always found it quite easy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on pimping

“You thought it was hard out there for a single mom working two jobs and raising three kids, a soldier fighting an endless war, or a student trying to get into Harvard? You thought it was hard being a rocket scientist, or a brain surgeon, or the leader of a nation? Nah, y'all been playing the game on fucking easy mode, pimping is the single most difficult job in the world, it just so happens I'm the world's greatest playah; why you think you only got one girlfriend, that's all your bitch ass can possibly handle and you know it too. I've got 999 problems and a bitch is all of them, every last one of my contentious honeys makes me want to run into the wild, except the Queen of Sheba, she's cool.”

~ King Solomon on pimping

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about It's hard out here for a pimp.
The pimp for whom it is hard out there.

"It's hard out here for a pimp" is the core tenet of every belief system on the planet. Every religion, philosophy, idea or crude joke in the world can be traced back to these five words. (Yes. And one vowel. Thank you, Vanna.)[1]

History[edit]

Fortunately for historians, there is a complete document, passed down through the ages, describing in minute detail the entire history of this most important phrase. It's called the Bible. Though most translations leave out the following data, more radical historians have come to agree with Professor J. Wayne, PHd on his 1965 translation.

Biblical Translation[edit]

In the Bible, Episode 1 (A New Hope) God [2] says: 

EXT - BLACKNESS - DAY

GOD:
Damn! For shizzle, it's black as night out here!

No response.

GOD: 
Yo! Any brothas up in heah?

No response.

GOD:
It's hard, out here, for a pimp!

God pulls out his 9 and BLASTS the universe into existence.

Industrial Uses[edit]

God who we quoteth here.

Following the Enron scandal, Amy Lee, then only 12 years old, discovered that everyone involved was innocent because, as she put it, "It was hard, out here, for a pimp - and a vampire!"

Health and Safety[edit]

Many pimps can lead to a sudden loss of consciousness if inhaled in large amounts. Pimps like E-Rad and Chocho have been used as narcotics for a long time. E-Rad is a widely used and abused psychoactive drug. Chocho and many other pimps (e.g. from gasoline or glues) are used recreationally, often with harmful long term health effects like neurotoxicity or cancer or permanent blindness. In other words, it's hard up in there for a pimp.

References[edit]

  1. ↑ There is no connection with the American film 'Hustle & Flow.
  2. ↑ God is, of course, played by Jean Luc Picard doing Britney Spears. The video of Picard doing Britney is available at Walmart.
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