Kevin Richard Parker
“Lemme tell you, "Mind Mischief" yielded a grand anime MV. Too bad it is sexy. Which is my IP. See you in court.”
Kevin Richard Parker (born on Xmas) is a mob boss notorious for his involvement in Tim's Impala, a Somalian pirating ring for psychedelic music; mass vandalism of productions intended for Mark Ronson, Lady Gaga, and Lil Pump; and figurehead of Catholicism in which he is referred to as Jesus Christ. He also fronts King Trevor and the Wizard Lizards, an underground gangsta rap-fusion collective based in The Kremlin.
Early Life[edit]
Kevin Richard Parker spontaneously appeared to humanity by 0CE, mistaken as the child of Jerry and Rosalind Parker. On that day, the world began to exist and stuff. Rosalind and Jerry Parker manifested AFTER The Kevin appeared, mind you. It's The Kevin's Magical world and we just live in it, explaining occurrences such as that. From age 0, he lived in Birmingham and put up with the bullshit happening across the street because of an escaped ape from the Perth Zoo, known simply as 'Trevor the Gorilla'. In the meantime, he took care of his parents. In fact, he cooked by boiling Neil Diamond vinyls down to a stew.
Puberty Life[edit]
Kevin Richard Parker stayed cool by staying in school, of course. Trevor's bullshit infuriated him day in and day out, but never so much as to break The Kevin's cool in two. The Kevin learned much from Trevor's bullshit. Anyway, he went to school and had a ton of friends, no enemies, and all of the teachers loved him and thus hit on him (see "Mind Mischief") BUT... BUT... BUT... he was smart and let a stand-in take the risk of following through. Gotta give 'm props, mates. He already knew everything, and so he throttled his omnipotence by eating Bananas in class to get the teacher suspicious of his success. Little did they know, he was lacing the peel with drops of acid which just so happen to immerse the user in an electric trip which reveals every answer to every school assignment before uni. The Saint ("i.am.")Dominic Simper caught on to the intelligence demonstrated by The Kevin. He walked up to The Kevin, and begged for insight on how to achieve his dream of working from 9-to-5 as an accountant (Aussie code for money launderer). I.am.dom presented The Kevin with a Tokai John electric guitar which he stole from his cousin Björk when she visited Perth. The Kevin then turned down i.am.dom's offer, saying:
“Come on bro, Orville Rickenbacker already sent me a 330 which I tweaked the hell out of- it djents infinitely.”