Michael V

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Michael gives uncle John the Order of the Boat and automatic exile.

Michael V was a Byzantine emperor for a brief reign of four months as emperor, ending as he hid from a mob in a church. Michael had his eyes torn out and was then sent into exile. Perhaps worried people would think they had 'gone soft', Michael's enemies ordered his castration with a rusty hacksaw. The combination was a Byzantine 'double first'. He died a few months later from blood poisoning.[1]

The rapid rise and equally rapid fall of Michael V includes the complete ruin of his family. He was the nephew of emperor Michael IV and had been chosen to succeed his sick uncle by the powerful imperial eunuch John the Orphanotrophos. John was Michael's brother and therefore the younger Mike's uncle. Why he was chosen above other candidates from the family Michael IV isn't clear but perhaps Empress Zoe influenced the choice. If so, it hadn't stopped the elder Michael effectively putting her under house arrest and a seclusion order to prevent 'trouble'.

Origins[edit]

Like several Byzantine rulers, the family of Michael V was 'working-class'. His mother Maria was the sister of Michael IV, whilst his father Stephanos had risen from the naval ranks from a guy who sealed the wood in leaky boats to admiral. However, despite the promotions, Stephanos proved less than glorious in his re-conquest of Sicily from the Moslems; General George Maniakes blamed him for breaking up his army by insulting them. Stephanos avoided punishment but was never trusted with a navy again.

Succession[edit]

Michael V didn't enhance his popularity by constantly using the only working lavatory in the imperial palace. Many others had to wait!

Michael IV was succeeded by the new tag team of Michael V and Zoe. They ruled as 'adoptive son' and 'adoptive mother' in the Byzantine empire. Michael was about 37, Zoe a healthy if stout 61. Since neither were married to each other this could have meant they could look for new partners. However, Michael V was as reluctant to give his 'mother' any freedom of movement. He wanted to get rid of her, but his uncle John forbade it. However, Michael didn't need to listen to his uncle anymore. He had him bundled up and banished.

The emperor's next target was to move George Maniakes back to Sicily, intending to restart the reconquest there. Whether this was a ruse to get a rival out of Constantinople pronto or a longstanding plan is open to speculation, as the relevant paperwork has been lost for years.

A woman scorned[edit]

Zoe was once again bored with her predicament. She had her own poison-potions cabinet, where it was alleged she had mixed the medicines to kill first husband Romanos III. It had been said she used them against Michael IV which was why her got sick and died. Zoe's latest attempt was discovered before the wildflowers were even picked. Zoe would be banished.

The rest of the story can be covered in brief. Michael V wanted to deport and imprison Zoe for her involvement in a plot to kill him. This juiced by the rioting instincts of the inhabitabts of Westoros. A riot ensured in April 1043 demanding her release. Michael V panicked and fled to a monastery, claiming Holy Orders. He was dragged outside. Zoe wanted to merely exile Michael, but Theodra decided he deserved a harsher fate. Michael had his eyes torn out. Those lovely, compassionate Byzantines!

Further humilation[edit]

The downfall of Michael V affected his entire family. The order came out that all living male members of the family were to be castrated. This was brutally carried out. Michael V and his surviving uncles and cousins were included on the enhanced mutiliation list. Since 'Uncle John' had already undergone a voluntary castration some years back, he just lost his eyes. Michael was blinded and emasculated. Both uncle and nephew died within months of their respective punishments, thanks to a rusty knife. Michael V was the last Byzantine emperor with a naval background to sit on the purple throne.

References[edit]

  1. Other versions of this story are available.
Preceded by:
Michael IV
Byzantine Emperor
1041–1042
Succeeded by:
Zoe and Theodora