Morrisette Syllable Flux
Morissette Syllable Flux is the exceptional ability to expand and compress syllables as one deems fit.
History[edit]
Morissette Syllable Flux was developed by Alanis Morissette in an attempt to win the US presidential election. The government was so shocked and repulsed by the sound that they immediately collapsed into differential equations, save Monica Lewinsky. Alanis was then taken to the the country of Eeeaaaa'rrrryyaaneet in order to perfect the art of Daii O'oree-e-aa of Vauouuels from the adepts of the technique, who had long since become pariahs within the now forgotten society. By overcoming numerous trials, including having her vocal chords replaced by an air-raid siren, and giving birth to her future self, Alanis Morissette quickly rose into the ranks of the adepts, before completing her ascension to evil by playing her first album backwards, causing everyone to bleed from the ears and anus, and the entire country to sink into the sea. Her labours complete, she marketed the technique to an unsuspecting Earth in the form of her unique musical style, triggering the Apocalypse.
Technical[edit]
Morissette Syllable Flux can be roughly divided into two main forms: syllable expansion and syllable compression. The method involves the use of all nasal passages, carefully controlled to be a seventh above or below the main melody. It also requires controlled breath release from at least one ear and the tear ducts.
Syllable expansion[edit]
Syllable expansion is the technique of stretching one syllable for longer than is tolerable. This can be achieved by using the Daii O'oree-e-aa of Vauouuels method of adding extra vowels (as in, 'it's like rain on your wedding day', where the word 'rain' actually grows two whole new syllables, causing it to be pronounced as 'ray-ee-ain'). Syllable expansion is also possible through the means of the exhaustive-verse technique, whereby the user seeks to elongate a word by emphatically pronouncing the syllables to span over several seconds(an example being 'unapolegetically alive', which, using this technique, takes almost eight seconds to pronounce).
Syllable compression[edit]
Syllable compression is less widely used - With this technique, syllables are forced to take up less acoustic space by taking away any spaces, vowels or other breaks in a word or set of words. A prime example of this would be 'I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner', where the word 'dinner' is compressed and intoned very quickly to sound like 'dnr'.
Adepts of Morissette Syllable Flux[edit]
Bosnian-turned rock star Brian Molko is well known for his skill in syllable expansion, using the vowel – notable examples include the word 'men', frequently pronounced 'meh-hen' and 'anaesthatised", pronounced "an-ees-tha-tah-ah-ised". As well as this, Molko has mastered an ancient technique known to only the most powerful members of the Daii O'oree-e-aa of Vauouuels – Syllable Transmutation, the ability to redefine exactly how syllables are pronounced. At the time of writing, Molko has mastered three different pronunciations of the word "Behind".
Beyoncé Knowles is also capable of demonstrating syllable flux, for example the extension of the word 'saw' into as many as 5 syllables in the song "Ring the Alarm". It is unknown as to whether she has received training under the adepts of Daii O'oree-e-aa of Vauouuels.
Of course, Elizabeth Fraser, ex-Cocteau Twins, has already proven her ability to make English words totally incomprehensible. While criticized by her fans for being understandable these days, she adopted the use of Morrisette Syllable Flux for her performance on Massive Attack's Teardrop.
See Also[edit]