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Muslim Sisterhood

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Flag of the Muslim Sisterhood. Top line translates to "Expanding in modesty". Text in the circle badly drawn ring is unimportant.

The Chamber of Muslim Sisters, usually referred to as the Muslim Sisterhood, is the female division of the group ISIS. The primary objective of the Sisterhood is to make everything that it comes into contact with halal and then redistribute it to the Western World. However, it also serves to provide places of refuge from American drones.


The Sisterhood was inspired on 6 June 2006 when several ISIS members named Mohamed simultaneously found their children all wearing burqas; as such, they could not tell apart their sons and their daughters. Together, they exclaimed "Praise Allah the true One! For if we men wear burqas instead of balaclavas, then NATO and Americans won't strike us anymore!"

Since then, more than 300 Sisterhood chambers have been erected throughout Iraq and Syria, with the entry requirement of wearing a burqa. As such, none have ever been the target of Western forces, which is much safer than any of the United Nations-operated "schools" along the Gaza Strip. However, rather than sitting around and doing nothing, the people inside the chambers are hard at work halalifying things all day, devoting their hours to the cause of Islam.


Top: infidel chess pieces. Bottom: Sisterhood-approved pieces.

The main activity conducted by the Sisterhood is the rectification of media deemed not suitable under Islamic standards. These processes are conducted in chambers whose structures are best described as being like the human digestive system; the materials to be tested enter the front of the building, then pass through 1.6 km[1] of rigorous examination and editing by members of the Sisterhood, and are finally expelled from the rear as "certified halal".

As the digestion is done thoroughly with strict quality control in place, nothing which exits the building ever needs to enter it again.[2] However, the size, shape, amount, and consistency of the edited media is always ritually monitored to make sure that the system as a whole is functioning healthily and efficiently. Each chamber receives on average 2000 Terabytes[3] worth of information to process daily, containing anything from Playboy and pornographically-intense videos to mathematics textbooks. After all of these materials are properly digested, they are propagated to the rest of the world via Internet, where they usually get no attention because the brother of the head of the Sisterhood has uploaded the weekly beheading video.

International praise

If you think these are all men disguised in burqas, you are wrong. The one with the megaphone is a woman; the others are mudbrick statues.

The Sisterhood is regarded highly in the West for operating in a nonviolent manner and having a relatively high female participation rate. It is the only branch of ISIS where foreign journalists are welcome and encouraged to visit and report about;[4] as of August 2014, the independent International Labour Organisation and Bob the Builder have confirmed that no injuries or deaths have resulted from the activities run by the Sisterhood.

International Women's Day, which is the only thing that ISIS and America agree on, is celebrated by the Sisterhood. Every year on this day, the doors of all chambers are sealed, and the people inside grab long rods and start hitting each other between the legs. This act is highly praised by feminist organisations around the world, as it serves as a reminder that anyone inside the chambers should be female.[5] Note that the usual digestive processes are suspended on that day due to a shortage of labour.


  1. Average length of human digestive track
  2. Human centipede
  3. Average human daily intake
  4. provided they adhere to the dress code
  5. or at least not have male genitalia

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