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Chad Kroeger using his demonic mind powers on the unsuspecting public

Nickelback is a band that was formed in Mordor, U.S.A. It comprises of Chad Kroeger as 'guitarist', 'composer' and lead screamer, Rolf Harris on drums and wobble board, and the loyal minions on bass and back up screams. They managed to use Kroeger's demonic powers to brain wash the world in to buying their albums and became the most successful 'band' in all of Canada. As of 2014, they have released nine albums and won't continue to do so because they're a really shitty band and nobody likes them.


The earliest mentions of Nickelback come from wall paintings in caves by cavemen. These paintings were discovered in 1967 by famous explorer Robert Plant on his expedition Over the hills and far away. Using carbon dating, Plant was able to figure out the age of these drawings and dated them back to around 300,000 B.C. The paintings depicted a giant Canadian Hillbilly with long hair and a goatee breathing fire and playing guitar. They were finally able to decipher what the drawing was when they saw a figure in the drawing wearing a Nickelback T shirt.

The first real use of the word 'Nickelback' was found written in the scrolls in ancient Greece, It reported how Chad Kroeger made Mt Vesuvius erupt after the band were booed off the stage in Pompeii during a concert. After finding this evidence, scientists still have not been able to piece together the story of how they came to be, but there are rumours. Some believe that Rolf Harris was brainwashed into joining Nickelback by Kroeger and then the two shrouded the world in darkness together until the great hero that was promised can destroy them. Others believe that Kroeger is the spawn of a Jackal and Adam Sandler.

Nickelback throughout history[edit]

Chad Kroeger Giving poor peasants the black death in the 1300s

Since Nickelback formed in the early Paleothetic age, they have been part of, or caused some of the most famous events in history. We have photographic proof that Chad Kroeger helped spread the 'Black Plague' in the middle ages and we also have evidence it was also him and Alexander the great that conquered Persia. There is also a mention to Kroeger in the Bible in the book of Daniel 7, it said:

"And in that vision I saw, a fourth beast, terrifying, frightening and rather annoying. It had large teeth; it crushed and devoured it's victims eardrums and it said unto me 'Look at this Photograph!' but I didn't stay to listen to the rest as I had heard the song before and I didn't like it."

Rise to power[edit]

At some point during the late 19th century, Rolf Harris decided the band should actually write songs and play them at concert's instead of strumming a guitar and summoning Avril Lavigne to devour the audience with Harris' wobble board. At this point the band went to a halt, Harris decided to play his own songs and became a great success on his own while Chad Kroeger went to Purgatory to write 'songs' and feed on the souls of the lost.

No one knows what became of the minions during this time. In 1939 Chad Returned and summoned Harris and the minions to his lair to begin to perform. The released their first album in 1944, by many accounts Adolf Hitler heard this album and ended up shooting himself. The album itself was a flop, and the band all but disbanded until the 1990s. In 1996 the band released their second album and in 1999 they released their third to minimal success. However, their fourth album, "Silver Nitrate Up", which was released on the same day as the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon (an act that many believe the band's record label was responsible for, by way of promoting the album), became a huge seller with its hit single "How You Remind Me".

Kroeger's plans were finally all falling into place and eventually he and the band would rule the world.