|Phylum||Creatures originaly not from Earth|
|Class||Someone says birds, but they are real Martians|
|Order||They have their own order|
|Species||So much, because they don't want to be same at the End of the World, when they'll kill all people|
|Health||30, but they tend to attack in big groups|
|Strength||10 KiloWatts, their main gun is their beak|
|Intelligence||Smartest parrot had IQ 1613|
|Special attack||Eye pecking|
Parrots are creepy feathered creatures, which were taken from Mars to Earth in 1337 by a special mission, because Christopher Columbus didn't find only America, but also Mars. After that, parrots got smarter than people and are investigating plans, how to take the control over Earth (but they will manage to do it on 16. 1. 3602, as their name says). Before they went to Earth, they killed all the Martians, so that's the reason why is nothing living on Mars.
Why this name?
Everyone cares (actually, nobody cares) about how was name "parrot" invented. It was a tradition, it's a normal name, before scientists on Uncyclopedia found out, it's a cipher for Plan arranged on torture. Does it mean parrots want to kill all people? Probably yes.
How do they look like?
It depends on species, but every parrot is feathered with some colorful feathers (to be enough visible, so other parrots could easily see them), has got strong legs, beak and bloody eyes. They might be cute for some reason, but don't be fooled! After some days you'll buy them, they can kill you very fast, and you'll contribute to the End of the World.
The first murdering parrot was known in 1898 in Germany. He was a cockatoo named Naki and he escaped from his cage. After that, he started to attack people in Berlin. He started to peck all people's eyes and he had flown away. He reached a military academy, where German people were planning World War I. He killed them all, so the war started a lot of years later. Unfortunately, Naki wasn't celebrated, but some jerks shot him. He died immediately, with the word "rosebud" being his last croak.
The first big massacre started at 8th April 1961. A lot of parrots managed to escape from a truck and started to demolish Vienna. More than a thousand people were murdered, almost five thousand people were injured and five hundreds of them are still missing. Parrots have flown away and started to destroy villages near Vienna. Most of them have been shot, but there are still some parrots in the nearby forest, killing people who go too deep into it.
In 1972, a big flock of parrots managed to go to Greenland, where they arrived on the island of Qeqertarsuaq, flying to a town named Qullissat. Parrots started to destroy buildings, then to kill people. People didn't got any weapons or force, so they were killed by parrots very easily. Then parrots destroyed the boats of people, escaping and destroying more settlements from the north of Qeqertarsuaq to the southwest of Nuussuaq peninsula. Today, parrots still live north of Qeqertarsuaq and in south Nuussuaq, and they kill everyone who ever goes there. About 2000 people died.
In 1983, many parrots managed to get to New York. Big flock started to attack everything, which it saw. USA army arrived here very fast, but they had alot of troubles with parrots, because they were sticking at their guns and turning them towards them, so they simply shot themselves. Parrots have destroyed alot of buildings and many people died. After a long time, army managed to get the flock out of the town by shooting inside them from far distance. Then parrots managed to turn back to New York, where they were killing people on the shore. People were saved when parrots decided to go back to forests. In count, more than 10800 people died, 19000 people were injured and 9700 are still missing. This was one of the worst massacres in USA history, also called New York Massacre. Alot of New York's sights, such as Statue of Liberty, were really damaged, and their repairing cost billions of dollars.
But, the biggest attack of parrots in the world's history, happened in year 2003. All parrots decided, that they'll no longer wait and they'll destroy the world. They were killing people all across Africa, South America and Australia. They killed more than one million people. In that, people didn't killed the parrots, but put them in cages and started to breed them. But it was their big mistake, because parrots are preparing worse attack. Do you have one of them? If yes, better kill it... until it kills you.
In 13th July 2018, many parrots in a petshop in Zagreb in Croatia managed to escape from cages. They murdered all people and all animals here. Then they destroyed all the shelves inside, broke all aquariums and pecked out all food. Then they destroyed a shop window and started to peck people outside. They managed to get to Croatian motorway and blocked the way. The motorway is still blocked, so if you are riding to Croatia, close your windows and miss Zagreb!
Why should I kill my parrot?
Because parrots often murder people, who own them, by breaking the cage or aviery and torturing owners until they die. Every day 26 families are murdered by parrots in average. So, do you still love your talking parrot? If you want to stay alive, kill it and don't buy any more parrots.
Famous people murdered by parrots
News say, that Sephiroth and alot of more famous people were killed by parrots.
- Rosellas- very creepy parrots, who are well known also as "Murderllas". They are experts on cutting fingers away. 804200 people were killed by rosellas.
- Macaws- their beaks are enough strong to cut your head! 0800420 people were killed by macaws.
- Budgerigars- these are horrible. They are small, but they do peck very hard and are associating into big flocks and kill many people in Australia. 420800 people were killed by budgerigars.
- African Grey parrots- also called "nigga gay bitches". They are screaming very horrible and killing everything in their way, doing massive torture. 0080042 people were killed by AGPs.
- Lovebirds- they are, more aptly, called also Hatebirds. They are small, but very agressive and their best fun is killing doctors. 042080 people were killed by lovebirds.
- Senegal parrot- these niggas are very crazy. They can cut wood very easily, but even metal and weapons, so they are completely invulnerable. 04080420 people were killed by Senegal parrots.
- Neophemas- these little bitches do not have much power, but when they are in big flocks, then they can be very annoying, pecking everyone in their way. But their beaks are not that strong to kill people. Actually, there are few cases where neophema killed a person, but only 4.
- Parakeet- these bitches very often attack human settlements and kill people. Their beaks are very strong, so they can do it. They very often peck people's eyes out. 0100480 people were killed by parakeets
- Lorikeet- these badasses are very angry and dangerous. Their special attack is pinching fingernails out. But, though that, they are very slow. 1004100042 people were killed by lorikeets.
- Aratingas- they are not much powerfull. They are flying slow and are easy to be shot in their chest. However, these bitches managed to kill 100 people. Yuck!
- Cockatoos- the worst and ugliest parrots. They use same technics as macaws, only they are much more agressive and tend to attack in big flocks. 0100480 people were killed by cockatoos.
- Cockatiels- they are small nasty bitches. They can peck very hard and they are very good to peck your eyes out. However, they are very easy to be chased away, so there are not that much victims. But, 8100 people lost their life because of them.
And of course, there are many more parrots, with their own fighting technics. There are such much species, because, when they'll start to war people, they don't want to be the same to be more powerful. However, they think about it now and their attacks are very often.
How to be protected from being killed or tortured by parrot?
- Don't look behind. You'll never know if a parrot isn't waiting behind you to peck your eyes.
- Don't breed them. They can easily break even the strongest netting on the strongest cages. Always resist to breed parrots.
- Buy some catching nets and knives. The best tactic how to kill a parrot is to catch it into net and cut it's neck. It has got no chance to survive.
- If you see parrots coming into your town, never came out of building. Good buildings are very good to resist parrot attacks. Never go out to attack them, because you don't have any chance. Close all doors and windows and wait until parrots leave.
- If parrots came when you ride a car, don't come out of it. Cars are durable against parrot attacks, but only if they're driving (if not, parrots will fully surround your car and you're trapped). Close all windows and ride. Parrots will be hitting your car, but never stop driving, until they'll left.
- If you see a lone parrot, kill it. Lone parrots are much more vurnerable and can't defend that much. You'll kill them easily.
- Never ride bikes, motorbikes or convertibles. If you do so, parrots can get to you and kill you easily. Do not ride these things!