Silent Hill 3
“This game made me crap my proverbial pants... again.”
“The lock is broken, I can't open the door. Son of a bitch!”
“Dammit, why does the teenage girl get the fricken submachine gun, while I get a fuckin' 1920's rifle?”
Silent Hill 3 is the sequel to Silent Hill 1, unlike Silent Hill 2 which is the sequel to ABSOLUTELY nothing. in Silent Hill 3 you play as Heather Morris, who is really Heather Mason, Who is really the daughter of Harry Mason, who is really the baby Alessa gave Harry at the end of the first game, who is really Cheryl (the daughter of Harry Mason), who is really not the daughter of Harry Mason, who is really Alessa, who, after 7 years, splits herself up into another girl, who is really a baby that is found by Harry Mason and his sick wife on the side of the road, who is really Cheryl from the first game, who reunited with Alessa and gave birth to a god, who was killed by Harry (and not his wife because she died from an illness), who then got a baby from Alessa+Cheryl before she/they died, who ran away from the town, who changed his name to Morris, and named the new Cheryl Heather. (Hope you got a Good ending.)
Also, Harry dies.
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that the Planet of the Apes was Earth all along, Hellboy opens the door to Hell, Leonard has already found and killed his wife's killer, Silent Bob said something, Daisy runs over Myrtle, leading Wilson to kill Gatsby and then himself, the Dark Lord shall rise again, Lefty never arrives because he's dead, Flint Marko killed Ben Parker by accident, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
Characters
Pyramid Head
Pyramid Head is a 6 foot tall ghost named Chris Gust in a bloody sheet that carries a knife. Whats his gimmick? He has a pyramid shaped head. Yeah Konami, really fucking original. how about you also make him horny as hell and a "bad ass" executioner. Pyramid Head is the most annoying thing in Silent Hill. instead of having really awesome and unique boss battles with complex puzzles on how to fight them, or blasting them away in a satisfying display of blood, chunks, and bullets. No you shoot him a few times and he runs away like a pussy so he can pop up 15 minutes later and not kill you or scare you for that matter.The worst thing about Pyramid Head, besides his unoriginal/descriptive name is he's the only thing you fight in the game. there are no monsters. you just run around Silent Hill until he shows up, you shot him, he runs away. after this happens 5 or 6 times you win the game. what a load of horse dick.
Well, thankfully he's not in this game so he isn't worth mentioning.
Heather Morris
Fuck you! I'm not going to type all that shit again about how Heather is really Cheryl, who is really Alessa. Read the intro again...
Claudia Wolf
Claudia is an understanding, mentally-stable(my ass), nice, caring, down-to-earth young gal who until one day gets her eyebrows plucked and turns bitch-o-matic. Once this happens she acts like a cunt and tries to destroy the world by resurrecting god and bring about judgment day. Her dad, Leonard tries to discipline her, but she fucks his shit up and puts him in the hospital. Then, she made demons and monsters run all over Heather/Cheryl/Alessa's hometown. Next, she killed Harry Mason. Furthermore, she impregnated Heather/Cheryl/Alessa with the Anti-Christ. Afterward, she ate a fetus. Finally she went on Jerry Springer and beat down some blackies.
Douglas Cartland
Douglas is a pedophile down on his luck. The poor bastard can't get laid and is reduced to stalking this ugly bitch, Heather/Cheryl/Alessa. Not only that, but when he does stalk her it turns out she is some Heather/Alessa/Cheryl thing and is thrown into the mix of an evil cult, some unborn evil god, a bitch with no eyebrows, monsters, demons, demonic-monsters, monstrous-demons, and the worst case of blue-balls ever. The poor guy cannot get a break, the only thing that is even remotely fuck-able is the nurses in the hospital, but the miserable sod decided to check Leonard's house for clues while Heather/Cheryl/Alessa went to the hospital. Later, when he maybe gets a chance with Claudia he suddenly and without explanation breaks his fucking leg. The pain hurts so much he can't even jerk off.
Harry Mason
More importantly Harry's Corpse, not to be confused with Spike's corpse from Cowboy Bebop, both of whom which dies, is dead, and never lives again. Because they died.
Father Vincent
Like most priests, this holy-man likes the holy-boy, but thankfully all pedo-homo-erotic scenes were scraped in this game because of the lack of funding. Besides, what makes you think Vincent can get some when Douglas is fucked?
Despite his fetish, Vincent is a very wise man, always popping in to give helpful advice to Claudia (by calling her a bitch) and Heather/Cheryl/Alessa (by calling her a whore). Vincent was cool. I say was because Claudia kills him. What a bitch! Also, Heather/Cheryl/Alessa didn't even care. What a whore!
Valtiel
Valtiel is a Resident Evil 2 reject. Valtiel was meant to be a licker but it failed due to its insatiable habit of turning valves, following Heather/Cheryl/Alessa everywhere, raping nurses, and not having a tongue, or a mouth for that matter. So Capcom gave him to Konami. Konami then made up some bullshit about Valtiel being a guardian angel or something.
Anyway, he doesn't matter so there is no point mentioning him.
Bosses
Huge Worm
Found at the end of the mall level, it is actually an in-game reference to Worms (the game) and is able to be destroyed by avoiding the cock-slapping attack.In Hard mode, it is the Penish of Ron Jeremy that's out to rape men in their ass.
Stabby Man
A lonely man who lives in the sewers. He also bears a striking resembalance to Edward Scissor hands. Whether this is another in-game reference is unknown. All he wants to do is make friends with Heather and shake hands, but its not completely obvious after stabbing her hand and so its another ENEMY..
Pat Robertson
He attacks while saying, "Death to all those who play this unholy game against God!" Beware of his pope lasers! They're shiny!
Bloody Twin
Just like you, with your weapons, but she's EVIL and not to mention Japanese looking. They just always have to add an anime person! The greatest stroke of originality that Konami ever had.
Your Great-Great-Great-Grand-Mom
Looks just like a stereotypical mad woman who believes in Christianity. But she actually doesn't follow that religion. She's a bitch...kill her.
Ass man
A secret boss made by Konami so he can make you like his ass, to kill him use a knife, maul, or katana.
A Premature Fetus
Also known as "God", though that is most likely a mistranslation. He is the final boss. Just ignore him so you can die peacefully instead of going insane and making a blondes have more fun joke. Yuck.
Features
Unlike most adventure games, where you use worthless items to help the main character progress in the story in a MacGyver type way. Silent Hill 3 focuses on real world solutions with some SIM's type gameplay thrown in.
EX:
- Reaching between the wood on a pallet to get the key to Heather's favourite book store.
- Using a fly swatter to kill the bugs in the mall hallway.
- Finding the key-code for a door on a memo relatively close to the door in question.
- Use a nutcracker to crack Heather's ex's gonads.
- Shout fruitlessly at broken doors
- Have some fun with a camera and later show your mum to gain points.
- Enjoy the warm, quiet and tranquil environment of the book store and read some of Shakespeare's books.
- Mess around at the fair and meet your twin for the night.
- Catch a train anywhere, including your suicidal father's flat.
- etc
Mini Walkthrough
The game starts you off in an amusement park. Note: this will be the only time you will have a flashlight in the game. Konami thought it would be more terrifying to be unable to see the monsters that are killing you. Also, hilarious to be unable to read the map that you can't find because it is always in a room where the lock on the door is broken, making you unable to enter. Many people think that the dors were just designed to be broke, but there are actually many rooms on the other side. They have a guy who runs round the game, breaking random locks. Most of them go to Narnia.
Even with the flashlight, Heather/Cheryl/Alessa is still too blind to read the big blue sign that says, "Lakeside Amusement Park". She stares at her knife, that she carries with her everywhere, as if she doesn't know what it is. Then casually walks past the bloody bunny costumes, dead bodies hanging everywhere, and bottomless holes in the ground. After running around for an hour because you're lost, because Konami thought they would be nice to give you a flashlight but still assholes not to give you a map, you find a roller coaster. Heather/Alessa/Cheryl thinks it is a good idea to run along the tracks and acts surprised when she gets hit by the roller coaster. Too bad the dumb whore was just dreaming.
She wakes up in a burger joint where all the cool kids go to sleep. She decides to call her dad, Harry Mason, who isn't dead yet. She makes up an excuse for not getting the one thing her dad asked, because she was to busy sleeping. Next we see Douglas, the pedophile stalker. Heather runs away in a bathroom rather than out in public where she would be safe.
In the bathroom she sees a symbol on a mirror. Instead than studying the symbol and its significance to Silent Hill or her past. Or possibly considering the time and effort someone had to put into using fluorescent paint to make strange graffiti in the shape of an occult symbol. She bashes her face into it and asks "How's Annie?" complains about her head in Irish. Note: this is how you save in game. She only comments on this symbol once, so make sure you pay attention.
Once she can see straight, she harasses a lady in a stall by pounding on the door. The woman taps back to let Heather/Cheryl/Alessa know the stall is in use. Heather/Cheryl/Alessa then continues to bash on the door and begins belittling the woman. She does this until the woman cries. Note: this scene is to set the tone of the game. Once the woman is a blubbering wreck, Heather/Cheryl/Alessa remembers Douglas is still after her, she then climbs out the bathroom window into the alley.
Heather/Cheryl/Alessa then enters the only door she can go into, and gets lost in the back hallways of the mall (because you won't find the map in this game, ever) until she enters a clothing store, possibly to buy clothes. In the store there is a giant, hulking, huge, monstrous... thing. It appears to be eating a mans face, but whats so creepy is that it has no mouth. Heather/Cheryl/Alessa then picks up a plot device gun and shoots the monster before it eats her. Because you know that guns are just laying around in mall clothing stores for anyone to pick up.
Rather than leaving the mall, Cheryl/Alessa/Heather decided to hang out longer to check out the stores... too bad all the doors are locked. The only stores Alessa/Heather/Cheryl can go into is a bakery, where there is no bread, and a book store, but Heather/Alessa/Cheryl can't read.
After figuring out whoever worked at the bookstore should be fired for letting anyone know the back room keycode, Alessa/Heather/Cheryl runs into Claudia. Claudia asks Heather/Cheryl/Alessa for sex saying something about wanting to be closer to god. Cheryl/Alessa/Heather refuses but is flattered. Claudia continues to pressure Alessa/Heather/Cheryl until Heather/Cheryl/Alessa pretends to have a headache. Defeated, Claudia walks away, presumably to get marijuana from Toby Archbolt's ghost.
Screw you! Go and pester GameFAQs/Wikipedia for the rest of the plot, you information whore, you. But beware! Wikipedia may lie to you, unlike Uncyclopedia. Uncyclopedia pwns Wikipedia's ass.
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