UnNews:COVID-19 a "blessing from God"

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UnFair and UnBalanced UnNews Wednesday, October 28, 2020, 23:01:59 (UTC)

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8 October 2020

President Trump back in action.

WASHINGTON, DC -- A rather strange recording from the White House has been leaked to UnNews. Two voices are obviously recognizable, but a third has resisted all attempts at voice profiling. The following transcript will no doubt be of interest to readers.

MM: "Evening, Don, how are you feeling?"

DT (removing tube from mouth): "Fine, Mitch, fine. I feel (puff) twenty years younger. I'm even (puff) thinking of getting another wife. (puff) Can't have a sick wife. (puff)"

MM: "What's that you're puffing?"

DT: "Great medication from the (puff) greatest country on earth. (puff) Lavender scented gas. White House doctor told me it would (puff) get me back on top of things. (puff) All these people should take it. (puff) This COVID thing will just disappear."

MM: "Funny, I can't smell any lavender."

DT: "Neither can I, (puff) but the doc says that you lose your sense of (puff) smell so don't worry about it.

MM: "Hmmm, the label on the gas bottle says "Oxygen"."

DT: "Doesn't matter what gas it is. (puff) It's the lavender that cures it. Hey, who let you in?"

Supreme Being (SB): "Some woman who's been nominated for the Supreme Court was bothering me about you."

DT: "What are you, some kind of actor? (puff) What's with the old timey robes?"

SB: "I am the Supreme Being."

DT: "Sorry, we've already nominated that woman. (puff) You'll have to wait until there's another vacancy."

MM: "I don't think he means the Supreme Court, Don. I think it's God."

DT: "No fooling? (puff) Hey, I owe you one for giving me this COVID thing."

SB: "You're welcome. It's kept me pretty busy, you know. I'm glad that you appreciate divine interventions."

DT: "Look, you've (puff) gotten me out of a real spot."

MM: "What do you mean, Don?"

DT: "Election's bearing down on us, Mitch. (puff) Look at the polls. This old crock with the mask (puff) is getting a bigger lead every day. Now I see it this way. (puff) If I knock this thing over (puff) I've got a chance. I'll look like a hero and I can call (puff) Sleepy Joe anything I like."

SB: "And supposing that you don't?"

DT: "Then I won't have to worry about it. (puff) You're talking to the greatest political strategist that ever (puff) was."

SB: "Well, I try to stay out of politics. It's in the Constitution, you know."

MM: "Are you sure that's a good thing, God? How can we establish the Kingdom of Heaven on earth without a good theocracy?"

SB: "You're welcome to try it if you want. I've had enough of the human race after the Garden of Eden. Look, I can't stay long, I have to dispense my blessings upon thousands of people, you know."

MM: "Where did he go? Don, do you think we can leverage a personal visitation from God into your campaign? Don? Don?"


Sources[edit]

Category:North America