UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 25, 2024, 12:24:59 (UTC)
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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  2. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  3. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  4. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  5. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  6. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  7. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  8. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  9. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  10. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  11. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  12. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  13. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  14. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  15. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  16. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  17. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  18. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  19. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  20. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  21. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  22. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  23. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  24. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  25. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  26. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  27. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  28. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  29. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  30. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  31. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  32. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  33. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  34. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  35. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  36. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  37. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  38. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  39. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  40. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  41. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze virtually
  42. To freeze a tooth, is to freeze {{adv})
  43. Jimmy Hoffa is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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