UnNews:Egyptian economy crashes as Moses blocks the Red Sea

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27 March 2021

Red Sea blocked by Jewish emigration

THEBES, Egypt -- The Egyptian economy has crashed after shipping was blocked from using the Red Sea by Moses. Ships are currently lying idle on either side of a barrier created by Moses using his staff and illegal Jewish aliens. The situation has starved the Egyptian economy of imports from Ethiopia, India and China. This latest blow followed a recent spate of plagues which had seen the country covered in frogs, locusts and lice. The additional and mysterious death of all Egypt's first-born led Pharaoh Ramases to order a lockdown. This was broken by Moses and his supporters, who have fled the country but are now blocking Egypt's vital trading routes.

"Egypt is in a very bad place," admitted Ramases. "Just because I didn't agree with Moses that he had the right to leave or take the bulk of his labouring class with him. I mean, where is this man taking his people? They're heading for a desert. And now he has parted the Red Sea and no vessels can cross this barrier."

Pharaoh Ramases has promised he will open talks with Moses if he agrees to unblock the Red Sea. Otherwise the Egyptian ruler has said he would "personally lead a full-on chariot attack."

Set my lambs free!

Moses says he expects the barrier to be lifted after all his people "have been set free."

"We have waited 40 years to make a break for it," said Moses at the point of crossing the Red Sea. "I told Ramases not to block our departure from his country, which is why I asked God to send the plagues. But he did. So now it is Egypt's turn to receive divine punishment again."

Outside experts have estimated it will take "at least another 40 days" for everyone who wants to cross the Red Sea to do so. So for now, the Red Sea remains shut down for any further sailing.