UnNews:Enda Kenny ready for Brentry

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18 June 2016

Enda Kenny, the sexiest of the white-collared

DUBLIN, Ireland -- Eire's Taoiseach Enda Kenny says that he wants to avoid an exit of his green island from the European Union, as it means he will then have to actually run it. His master plan is to enter the United Kingdom of Great Britain, handing the keys to the Tory Party in Westminster, a step that he calls Brentry.

Like the Belgians, running a country has never come naturally to the Irish, who prefer “sing alongs” to the fiddle and drinking buckets of Guinness. Brentry would spare Irish ministers all the additional trouble related to their already, famously insane politics and fiscal uncertainty. If the UK somehow voted to leave the EU on 23rd June, everything thereafter would become David Cameron's fault, rather than his own.

Mr Kenny envisaged that the name of the new nation could be the European Union of Great Britain, and that it could have a common currency, which he proposed to call the euro. Feeling on a roll, the PM added that this could be achieved with a red biro, putting a strike through the pound, and drawing a euro symbol in one corner of the notes already in circulation.

As more and more nations become disenchanted with “club bratwurst” and a future being managed by Angela Merkel, they might all start dropping out and petitioning to join the European Union of Great Britain, where they could join the canny Irish in blaming David Cameron for everything too.

Mr Kenny went on to say: “If all the countries in Europe made the move, then the European Union of Great Britain would be Europe, and Germany would be alone on the outside, an eventuality referred to in the novel Peyton Place as getting their ‘come-uppance’. Technically, instead of a Brexit, it would be a Germxit, or a Eurentry.

Mr Kenny had done no further planning however, on how to handle the possibility that Northern Ireland should succeed in its perennial goal to get out of the UK and unite with Ireland's other 26 counties, only to find that Ireland had simultaneously succeeded in getting in. This would make Northern Ireland the only unaffiliated place east of the Atlantic Ocean (Northen Irexit), and consign it to a future of unregulated banking and child prostitution, so everybody is a winner.