UnNews:India improves in new national survey

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19 November 2015

According to Bill Gates, Tony Blair, Angela, Angelina and Bono, India deserve a pat on the back for doing really well with their women.

COCO CHIN, Kerala, India -- India has improved its position on an international survey that measures how well the country's women conform to my values.

The World Economic Forum's new study on the Global Gender Gap, which measures the fact that women have different interests from men but are managing to overcome those differences, has moved India up from the 114th best country, all the way to the 108th best country. The report strikes India's grade of "D" and assigns it a grade of "C-minus" as a further reward for reflecting my values. Celebrations of the improved mark have been scheduled throughout the country.

The improved grade reflects the fact that Prime Minister Narendra Modi has placed women in 22% of menstrual positions, up from 9% in the previous government. Women also work as mantris, which seems to have something to do with India's thriving sex trade.

The report was not without criticism that India could do a better job of reflecting my values. It noted that women continue to tend to be paid what they are worth, rather than what the World Economic Forum thinks they are worth. To the good, India is decreasing its supply of potential future women, with Indian parents doing a better job than all other countries except China and Armenia at aborting them for being female before they can go on to fail to get high-paying jobs.

The United States leads the world in the World Economic Forum's new study, as its women are largely acting like little men with skirts and lipstick, although its men are increasingly free to wear skirts and lipstick too — and, in California, use whichever toilet appeals to them today, a political reform designed to deal with that state's acute water shortage. The country is even headed by a woman, who recently spent half an hour bitching out reporters for questioning that an enemy that can bring down planes and massacre concert-goers in Western capitals is "contained."

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