UnNews:Jeb Bush to carpet-bomb Agrabah

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20 December 2015

Electing a Bush has always had decisive foreign-policy consequences that the opposition never second-guesses afterwards.

CONTOOCOOK, New Hampshire -- Republican candidate Jeb Bush now says he has "a plan" to win the war against ISIS by carpet-bombing the city of Agrabah.

Mr. Bush's declaration follows a poll by Public Policy Polling that stated that Republican voters supported such a plan, by 30% to 13% against. Democrats opposed the plan, 19% to 36%.

The plan joins Mr. Bush's already announced plan to increase America's economic growth to 4% through unspecified policy changes, and to increase his poll numbers to perhaps the same level. Mr. Bush has also announced a plan to repeal Obama-care and replace it with a more sensible health care giveaway, and has announced a plan to undo Mr. Obama's immigration amnesty and do it properly, with a new law.

Agrabah as illustrated by an artist on a recent magic carpet fly by.

If thirty percent of Republicans began to favor Mr. Bush, it would increase his popularity by a factor of ten and put him in contention with zillionaire-turned-statesman Donald Trump in terms other than scripted wisecracks. About the front-runner, Mr. Bush said here last night that "Donald Trump is a jerk," proving that Mr. Bush has a plan for that as well. Mr. Bush's Agrabah plan appears to be influenced by the popularity of Ted Cruz's call for "carpet-bombing" the Middle East, turning the desert to solid glass, making Mecca radioactive, and so on. President Obama's strategy is to hinder ISIS recruitment by reducing America's carbon footprint.

Agrabah is the fictional city of the Walt Disney movie Aladdin. Regarding the cartoon movie's male star, Republican candidates were unanimous during the third debate that "he should be captured and sent to Guantanamo for waterboarding."

The percentages turn around, with Democrats favoring the carpet-bombing, when the suggested target is instead Wall Street.

Sources[edit]

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