UnNews:North Korea: “We have the ability to miniaturize Leader's brain”

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North Korea: “We have the ability to miniaturize Leader's brain” UnNews Logo Potato.png

20 May 2015

North Korean leader reacts to sister's cat.

PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The DPRK said Wednesday that it has the ability to miniaturize its supreme leader Kim Dung-Un II’s brain.

"We have had the capability of reducing the size of the brain of our beloved leader, as well as other leaders, for some time," the DPRK, North Korean military said in a statement carried by the state-run Korean Central News Agency.

Officials hope this new class of brain weapons will also minimize the leader's enormous ego.

"We can guarantee the accuracy not only of short-to-mid-range brain shrinkage but also long-term brain shrinkage,” they went on to say, “for which we have also had the technology for a long time."

“This will empower our great leader's brain to make far fewer mistakes, both now and in the future. We can now launch the miniaturized brain at will, and it will have a great impact on the international community.”

Pyongyang's claim appeared to resonate with some recent assessments from the North Korean’s controversial Janitors' Union, as well as senior U.S. military officials. DPRK janitors have been trying to clean up the situation by stating that “our leader's brain is already small and we intend to make it a lot smaller — so small, in fact, that you would need a microscope to see it.”

South Korean president Park Geun-hye stated that his nation is fully capable of responding to any brain no matter how small.

U.S. Army Major General Nuisance, the commander of U.S. forces around Korea, said last month that he thought "North Korea was capable of somewhat miniaturizing the brain of dead mice" and that the allegations were unsubstantiated, “show us the proof! We want to see the Un-brain for our selves. As of now we believe this is merely a baseless political maneuver intended to incite confusion.

“Furthermore, we doubt the DPRK has the ability to shrink the brain of any primate including its leader's brain, other than that from normal shrinkage by regular washings with ordinary laundry detergent.”

North Korea responded by stating “we use only our special military grade detergent containing an ‘Ancient Chinese Secret,’ which promotes extreme shrinkage. Not only is our leader's brain much smaller, but it’s now clean and fresh smelling! and you can take that imperialist's dogma to the bank!”

A recent North Korean defector stated that leader Kim Dung-Un II’s brain still stinks even after being freshly washed.

This now adds to North Korea’s arsenal. A slow growing sophisticated stockpile of ‘WMCs’ or Weapons of Mass Confusion. In addition, The reclusive somewhat supreme leader Kim Dung-Un II has clearly stated “Blah, blah, blah, Yadda, yadda, yadda and huh?”

U.S. Vice Admiral Bill MeLater, the commander of North American Aerospace Waste Disposal, told some reporters that “the U.S. military believes that Pyongyang could possibly have the technology to put a small brain into a pea shooter and shoot it at the (U.S.) homeland, but we don’t care. We’ll just toss it in the trash, where it belongs, if it ever arrives.”

Kim Dung-Un II’s sister, Kim Yo Pong-Ping also made a rare appearance over the incident, simply stating that her cat needs to be fed.