UnNews:North Korea condemn provocative LAN party

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Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Thursday, August 5, 2021, 19:48:59 (UTC)

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3 January 2011

South Korea continued to perform military execises today

SEOUL, South Korea -- North Korea has accused the South of provocative behaviour after they held a Call of Duty: Black Ops LAN party on the island of Yeonpyeong. The military event, which attracted 32 players, was said to be a practice exercise,”to see if we could connect 32 Playstations together without them buggering-up” a military spokesman said.

North Korea stepped up its condemnation of the South in recent months after South Korea held military exercises in the Sea of Japan in July. The North described the exercises - which included provocative star-jumps and aggressive Dancercise sessions – as "unpardonable military arousal.”

The two countries are officially still at war, as the 1950-53 conflict over a disputed game of Connect 4 was never formally ended. The North is shrouded in secrecy and strictly communist. Citizens are uniformly 5' 8" and forbidden from purchasing Easter Eggs.

Asked to comment on the escalating troubles in the area, U.S. President Barack Obama said: ”I never promised I knew all the countries in the world, just that I knew more than George Bush. I am, for example, comfortable with Belgium.”

North Korea spokesman, Ri Tong-il responded to Obama’s words by promising a response that was both “physical” and “over-emotional.”

South Korea have recently made noises that would suggest they are willing to reopen diplomatic ties with the North: ”I remind the North that the path to peace is still open. The door for dialogue is still open,” President Lee said recently.

North Korea dismissed the South’s words as ”clichéd western metaphors and poorly realised alliteration.”