UnNews:Why the inter-Korean Liaison Office was blown up
| A newsstand that's brimming with issues | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Wednesday, May 8, 2024, 17:22:59 (UTC) |
| Why the inter-Korean Liaison Office was blown up | 
|
18 June 2020
SAPPORO, Japan -- In a special telephone link, UnNews has interviewed a prominent official in the Democratic Republic of North Korea (DPRK) identified only as KYJ about the recent destruction of the inter-Korean liaison office.
UnNews: "Good evening. We are most excited to have you on the line to discuss the recent demolition of the inter-Korean Liaison Office. Can you fill us in on the background to this newsworthy event?"
KYJ: "If the South Korean toilet mold have not understood the heroic bravery behind the destruction of the corrupt and useless liason office, we will continue to blow up factories in the Kaesong Industrial Zone until they do."
UnNews: "Aren't these buildings valuable assets to the DPRK? Why do you want to blow them up with explosives?"
KYJ: "We would prefer that they fell down themselves so that we could express our disdain for the poor construction practices of the human insect droppings that call themselves South Koreans. Unfortunately they do not, so we have had to exhibit our invincible military might by covering the surrounding area with their fragments. Also our Dear Leader always smiles when things are blown up."
UnNews: "This seems to indicate that there will be no further attempt to cooperate economically with South Korea. Didn't this cooperation bring income to the DPRK?"
KYJ: "Not enough to counteract its corrupting influence. Not satisfied with getting the highly skilled labor of our workers for a bargain price, these lumps of congealed toe jam from South Korea continued to flaunt their imaginary affluence in front of our dedicated and selfless workers by actually having lunch. This was merely pretending that they had lunch back in South Korea where those hair balls stuck together with nose drippings are starving and hoping for the reunification of Korea under the glorious Kims."
UnNews: "That's an interesting way to refer to those whom you often call your Korean brothers."
KYJ: "Why thank you. I am considered quite proficient at the game we play called Describing the Enemy. Whenever Dear Leader finds it difficult to smile, he calls us together for a game. The first player to make Dear Leader smile wins the game and gets a special dessert. I got a Golden Phoenix Cupcake last time I won."
UnNews: "Don't they cost $1000 each?"
KYJ: "Do they? Well, Dear Leader must have really enjoyed my description of Donald Trump as the fetid jelly squeezed from a pimple on the arse of an elephant. He laughed until they took him out for cleaning."
UnNews: "An interesting way to pass the time. I would say there are quite a number of enemies who could be described."
KYJ: "There certainly are, and that brings me back to your initial question. It has come to our attention that certain blobs of second hand dog food who have abandoned our socialist utopia have been trying to play our game in reverse by floating leaflets with vulgar caricatures of Dear Leader across the border. They must learn that Describing the Enemy is our game, a product of the superior intelligence of North Korea, and others must not try to play it."
UnNews: "And what do you do with these leaflets?"
KYJ: "We send the valiant workers of the DPRK out to collect them. Under armed guard of course as a few foul farting fugitives have tried to make it across the border. Then we sell the leaflets on the internet."
UnNews: "Ah, yes, we have seen advertisements for them hugging the edge of our screens. Much money in it?"
KYJ: "Not a lot, but we can steal quite a few identities from the desiccated puddles of pus who click on the links."
UnNews: "Well, thanks for filling us in on the recent pyrotechnics and we will certainly give you another call if any more displays of fireworks light up the often dismal world news."
Sources[edit]
- Frank Chung "What is behind North Korea’s new hard-line stance?". news.com.au, June 18, 2020