UnSignpost:Article/An interview with the editors

An interview of the editors, by the editors and for the ed- readers

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After much call for an interview with the editors of UnSignpost this month from Uncyclopedians such as Nobody, the journalists at UnSignpost have complied and compiled together an interview of each other. It follows thus:

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What is the most entertaining and useful activity you carry out while [a duck is] standing on your head?

Tell me Anton, what drove you to becoming an editor of the UnSignpost? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:34, January 19, 2014 (UTC)

You did. And then I had to keep on driving going, because the car was already going fast and I could not just let it go all by itself (and there was a tree in front of it). I thought about just stopping it but home was far away and I did not feel like walking. Anton (talk) 12:21, January 20, 2014 (UTC)

What is the most entertaining and useful activity you carry out while standing on your head? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:08, January 20, 2014 (UTC)

I cannot stand on my head only, but I can manage a position where my head will be the only part of my body that touches the floor (or the ground). While I am in that position, some very interesting thoughts can come to me. And if at that moment, there is a problem or a question which need to be solved, it will be a bit for me easier to solve them in that position. So you can say that I am doing something useful. Anton (talk) 19:57, January 20, 2014 (UTC)

Could you possibly endorse our readers with some tips on what qualities makes the best journalist? Perhaps commenting on your own route to journalism and the July Coup. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 20:22, January 20, 2014 (UTC)

I will be as discreet about the July Coup as possible for personal reasons. The only thing I can say is that people very seldomly learn from their history or learn their history. That's why old methods are often still effective.

What concerns being a journalist, it is a hard job, even on Uncyclopedia. An UnSignpost journalist should be serious enough to admit that what he is writing is actual news and at the same time not serious at all to be able to deny what he has previously admitted; he should carry his duty with dignity and ignore a not very honourable name of his establishment; he should make people trust him and lead them to false conclusions but in such a way that they will know that these conclusions are false... The entire mission of the UnSignpost is to be as funny as possible while objectively delivering controversy.

However, your opinion may be different from mine, so you don't have to agree with everything here. Anton (talk) 19:59, January 21, 2014 (UTC)

And this question I feel is especially relevant to your answer there. How many chickens would it take to cross an infinitely long road? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 20:10, January 21, 2014 (UTC)

It is relevant. The amount of chickens that often cross the road is infinite. However, not many people noticed that the road was infinite as well, as chicken jokes end by chicken arriving somewhere but not entering the place. So I think this implies that they do not stop moving towards some goal which seems very far away and which they never reach. But their real goal is movement, which they can achieve by progressing towards it. So I would say that it would take three chickens to do it. Anton (talk) 20:57, January 22, 2014 (UTC)

Are you therefore going against the well-established Ainslie Theory that states that "just because a road is infinite in length doesn't mean that it is infinite in width" and therefore that a chicken would cross a road width ways to reach a goal, a finite distance away? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 21:10, January 22, 2014 (UTC)

We were talking about different roads there. But it's three chickens anyway. Anton (talk) 17:09, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

We were talking about different roads

Ah so you question the age old human tradition that one answers specifically the question that was asked and not a different one and instead you propose to change the answer to be less relevant to the question? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:33, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

No, it's three chickens. Anton (talk) 17:52, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

Three. Is that in Cartesian Form? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:11, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

Almost. Anton (talk) 18:18, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

Why do you determine the result as three when logic seems to dictate that four are needed as two get run over and one runs in the opposite direction? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:24, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

If a chicken crosses half of the road and returns to the place where he has started, then you can consider that he actually crossed it. Anton (talk) 19:25, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

But you are measuring distance, a scalar measurement! Surely crossing the road is a form of displacement (the vector of distance) and the chicken's direction is therefore important. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:42, January 23, 2014 (UTC)

It depends on what point of view you (as a judge) take: if you are flying several hundred meters above the road (so the angle between the line of the road and the line which passes through the point to which the chicken will get and which as far away from the right side of the road as it is from the left one and the point in which you are situated is almost ninety degrees) then it will be as you say. However, returning to one of the precedent questions, if you decide to stand on your head on the road, then I don't think it will matter much to you whether the chicken is crossing the road physically or technically. Anton (talk) 11:14, January 24, 2014 (UTC)

So is your new chicken theory more philosophical or mathematical? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 21:03, January 24, 2014 (UTC)

“The philosophy is like a tree, whose roots are the metaphysics, its trunk the physics, and the branches the rest of sciences...”

~ Descartes

Anton (talk) 14:59, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

I thought that philosophy was dead and that we didn't have to listen self-declared 2000 year old "scientists" anymore and that we could listen to modern scientists for once. On that note who is the most inspirational historical chicken according to you? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 15:49, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

"Surely our quest for freedom is more important than that!"

Philosophy is not dead. I think that the most inspirational historical chicken is "Le Coq Gaulois". Anton (talk) 15:55, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

And so based on the well-known media technique in the media of "if it's not your favourite, it means you hate it" why do you hate Ginger from Chicken Run? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:06, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

Because it's not my favourite. Anton (talk) 19:52, January 25, 2014 (UTC)

But surely the star chicken in a film that satirically mocks the terrible conditions battery hens suffer by showing a correlation to WW2 prison of war camps is more important than some French cock? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 15:57, January 26, 2014 (UTC)

It is the film and not the chicken that mocks these terrible conditions. Anton (talk) 08:00, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

Ahh but you gotta admit ginger is the hottest hen out there! Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:12, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

Is it a question? Anton (talk) 17:48, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

Yes it's a goddam question! I know your slimy tricks trying to avoid the answers to the questions the public wants to hear. Don't you think Ginger the chicken is hot? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:55, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

I may sound cruel, but it is rather hot for the first half-an-hour, after you take it out from the oven, but then it gradually cools down. Anton (talk) 17:58, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

Anton thanks to your previous comment and the fact that I hacked your phone (and don't give me any of that suing shit. Thanks to our hacks we exposed child abuse in th 1970s) I can safely publish this interview and the fact that you are in league with Mrs. Tweedy's Chicken Pie company. Good day! Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:02, January 27, 2014 (UTC)

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Every week (or so) we will publish a interview with anyone whom we find. So be prepared!

Read part 2!