Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 17

December 17: International Talk like Jar-Jar Binks Day, Hairdresser Appreciation Day

• c.4500 BCE - Birds learn to improve their aim, making hairdressers a necessity.
• 631 BCE - The War of 1812 ends.
• 521 BCE - Two slightly inebriated Mayans and a French guy come up with an ingenious way to scare the shit out of the future population of the Earth by the means of a calendar.
• 1099 - God passes the Enforced Hair Styling Act.
• 1105 - Mohawks invent the Mohawk outside a Mohawk gas station near Mohawk, New York (Herkimer County).
• 1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte fools his captors with a convincing Jar-Jar Binks imitation and escapes from Elba.
• 1862 - During the American Civil War, General Ulysses S. Grant issues General Order 11, expelling all hairdressers from Tennessee, Mississippi, and the Commonwealth of Kentuckistan.
• 1903 - Orville and Wilbur Wright open their first full-service hair salon, with two wash stations and a stand-alone dryer. The search for a more powerful dryer motor would lead them to experiment with airplanes that could dry hair in ten minutes.
• 1989 - Fox debuts the animated series The Simpsons after the show's creators agree to cut a vaguely reptilian, lop-eared character with a bad accent. George Lucas adopts the rejected character and molests him for years before putting him in a movie.
• 1999 - We-sa no give a crap 'bout de new alien in-a de Star-sa Wars movee. He-sa bom-bad crappee!
• 1999 - C3PO now has competition in the annoying Star Wars character department.
• 2001 - UK prime minister Tony Blair is voted "Best Looking Twat" by the readers of Womans Realm magazine.