Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Pentium 4 (2nd review, quick)
The last review I got was somewhat rudimentary, and although I am not expecting anything more in-depth this time, I would nevertheless prefer a second opinion. -- The Colonel (talk) 17:33, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
Lets see what this baby can do. (Im on to it) --kit 21:17, 5 February 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||Its not bad but its simply quite varying on all the levels in my opinion. While some paragrafs or specific jokes are witty, well thought of and basially funny others seem out of context or too sarcastic (in a too close to reality way). For example I do enjoy your first paragraf about the "4 least efforts". Its original and is a good way to make fun of the company. I also appreciate your second paragraf about the naming fiasco. It too has a good mix of crazy funny, yet smart facts; inbedded in a well thought of story. On the other hand the part about the paradigm just confused (and angered me "quoting Futurama; couldnt resist =P). Something something with pipelines and stuff. I simply didnt get it, which maybe explains why I didnt appreciate that part. You then go on about the "aftermath" and how people can cook wth their pcs. Ok it might be a funny one-liner but in my opinion, two whole paragrafs about just drags and ruins the joke. Maybe try thinking of something else to write of instead such as the.. err, dunno. Maybe (false) citations of people who've "owned" one, or maybe why it looked like it did, or maybe wy it was so much better/worse than the AMD. Dunno you figure out some good idea =P Anyway, in conclusion of this part of my review. I like some parts that I find original but others just lack the depth that could make this article funny. Laughing about how hot a pocessor gets feels too "easy" and "old".|
|Concept:||7||Well I'e basically explained this in the humour section above. I like the idea of the article , especially since I prefer AMD processors but I still think you could do better. It feels like you started out well but slowly ran out of ideas.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Great english. I'll even go as far as to say its almost too advanced at some points with words like hencefor (with my english level I cant be sure if its correctly used so either its a malapropism or you've done well young padawan!) My only iseful comment here (except for the fact that your prose is good) is that you missed a "to" after "Hyperthreading Technology in order to give the illusion of..."|
|Images:||5||Im a bit harsh here maybe but apart fom your second picture (one with the statue) . The first one is OK but its just it feels like I've already seen that one or one that looks like it so many times; that satire gets old. As for the basement one its bit of an easy way out. Again its OK but I'd rather you take your time and find that perfect picture than just put that up. Lastly, you have plenty of space left to add one or maybe even 2 mroe pictures that could certainly lift your article to new levels of funniness ;)|
|Miscellaneous:||7||Because Intel sucks and AMD rocks ;)|
|Final Score:||34||Honestly I wouldnt vote for it in VFH as it is now because I didnt laugh enough. Its far away from bad and I surely enjoyed reading it though. But if ya want it to make that extra mile and get at least my vote, you should in my opinion go that extra mile yourself with some of the paragrafs. Think of some more great and original ideas and add them to your article; it should by then grow into one great piece of art (maybe not art.. but a good article at least =) ) Hope you didnt feel I was too harsh or anything. Remember this is simply my opinion and my suggestions are but mere suggestions. Cheers!
p.s My keyboard sucks so if my reviews has a bit too many typos (such as missing "v", "r" or "s", my apologies.
|Reviewer:||--kit 21:47, 5 February 2009 (UTC)|