Vulgarism
Vulgarism is a literary concept that expresses a particularly crude and obscene feeling, with many subjects of the genre being flatulance, excretement, exposure of one's sexual organs and almost anything of a sexual nature. More infamous than famous, the genre has been viewed with contempt by authors and critics alike more interested in other, more "acceptable" fields in novel-writing. The word "vulgar" comes from the latin word vulgas meaning "not something you would incorporate into a conversation with your grandmother". Some famous vulgarist authors and playwrights include Richard Bullton, Gianluca Del Ponto and Lord Walter Carthy, some famous titles being Pope Francesca's Wet Fart, The Saggy Bosoms of Eldbridge Manor and Queen Victoria's Threesome.
History[edit]
Early examples[edit]
The first proper example of vulgarism comes from an ancient Mesopotamian tomb that dates back to approximately 2600 B.C. In the inner chambers of the tomb there is a short inscription on the left hand wall that reads "I, Iziah Hulteni, did get an erection of large stature from the buttocks of Jana Beezentile, grandmother of Yujgnefi Qiiltire. I was much aroused". The next vulgarist literature comes from the ancient Egyptians, mainly focusing on the topics of excretion and urination (especially with the then-famous "Ramses gets the Runs"). The Egyptian era also saw the emergence of the first legitimate vulgarist. Olam Kaz, scribe for Thutmose IV, often entertained the dirt-poor villagers by drawing pictures of the Pharaoh in several sexual positions with a Nile alligator. Of course, it wasn't long before Thutmose found out, and Olam was beheaded. Although he was the first victim of a literature-related death, he lives on in the heart of vulgarists (and reptilian perverts) everywhere.
Classical Vulgarity[edit]
The Greeks considered anyone who wasn't like them as a barbarian. Any Greek seen adopting the social habits of a painted Thracian or perfumed Persian were said to be a 'malakas' (i.e. a wanker). To be both that and vulgar was 'malaka archidia' (wanker balls)'. Socrates was called this by the Athenian Democrats when they condemned him to death for asking too many questions and walking around the city in just a towel.
However, to the Romans all Greeks were vulgar. This became doubly so if they were also living in Egypt. Queen Cleopatra was called the Strumpet of the Nile for her trash clothes and her ability to turn even brave Romans like Julius Caesar and Mark Antony into her bedtime playthings. Roman writer Cicero wrote a long treatise on Vulgarity (it is after all a Latin word) which now exists only as a series of disconnected highlights that were very quotable for future generations. Lines like 'A vulgi misertus est esse homo' (A vulgar man is to be a pitied man) became very popular.
Vulgate Bible[edit]
The Christians translated The Bible (part 1 and part 2) into Latin. This translation was known as "The Vulgate," the crude tongue of the Western-Latin-speaking half of the Roman Empire. Purists (who could read both Hebrew and Greek) were horrified by this "sacrilege," the use of profane language to translate the Holy Word into Latin. In time, Latin itself became a language only understood by the elite. The Vulgate Bible — intended for the Latins — lost its audience. This meant the common people were not exposed directly to God's overripe language and crudities. They had to rely on vicars for a translation.
Vulgars/Bulgars[edit]
The Bulgarians were originally known as the The Vulgars. They came from the Vulgar Steppes in central Asia and were notorious for their general loutish behaviour. Eventually the Vulgars changed their tribal name to 'Bulgar' and all was forgotten. Otherwise they would have suffered the fate of the Vandals. A Germanic tribe who became infamous for their mindless attacks on gold-stuffed churches and food-stuffed prelates. The Vandals disappeared after they were conquered by the Byzantine Empire in the 6th century and disappeared into the sands of North Africa.
Vulgarism today[edit]
Despite general disapproval from the elites Vulgarism remains very much alive. Now it generally means an uncouth person with an appalling sense of taste and habits. This person may thing their vulgarity is classy when it is actual just pitiful.
One of the growing examples of vulgarism has been seen in what was called 'Dictator-Chic' as personified by people like Gaddafi in Libya and Saddam Hussein in Iraq. Their general ugliness and evil intent appeared to be amplified by their ghastly homes. Gaddafi lived with his own harem whilst Hussein liked paintings depicting him as a past hero from Islam or, sometimes like a Muslim Marvel superhero.
Lacking good taste can be excusable for Gaddafi and Hussein as they came from dirt poor families. However vulgarism can be seen in the very rich too. Not just despotic rulers but in the millionaire and billionaire class. Richard Branson for example is the height of vulgarity, especially when flying in his balloon.
Vulgarism - the future?[edit]
We've all seen people living in houses who changed them into mock Tudor palaces or drive around in cars that shout bad taste. But it seems humans like a bit of vulgarity. They see it as a way of pricking the pretensions of 'their betters'.
Go on, sneeze all over them.