Half-hedgehoglessness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Good Small.png Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
Horizontal Half-hedgehoglessness can be achieved in one of two ways.

“That which cannot be held cannot be real; that which cannot be a half-hedgehog cannot be held.”

~ Confucius on half-hedgehoglessness

Half-hedgehoglessness is a state in which an entity does not possess another entity that is a half of a hedgehog. Paracelsus' famous work Algebra Mammalia, which dealt solely with the Mathematics of rodents and other small mammals, proved with his Half-hedgehoglessness Conjecture that this state is omniapplicable, by considering four basic cases.

Case 1: Total Half-hedgehoglessness[edit]

Vertical halfhedgehoglessness is about 50% less prickly...when it's not the upper half.

The entity possesses no entity which is part or whole of a hedgehog. In this case, half-hedgehoglessness is achieved by virtue of hedgehoglessness, though the two states are not self-proving.

This is commonly referred to as total half-hedgehoglessness and is identical in execution to the lessness of any mammal.

Case 2: Whole Hog Half-hedgehoglessness[edit]

The entity possesses an entity which is commonly accepted as a whole hedgehog. In this case, half-hedgehoglessness is achieved because the hedgehog itself is virtually indivisible: any division of the hedgehog prevents the possibility of creating a perfect half-hedgehog; thus, though a whole hedgehog is in its most basic sense composed of two half-hedgehogs, these halfhogs cannot be separated and therefore cannot be identified as individual entities. This is commonly referred to as whole hog half-hedgehoglessness and is identical in execution to hedgehogfulness.

Case 3: Half-Hog Half-hedgehoglessness[edit]

Hedgehogs show a high degree of external lateral symmetry which appear to contradict Halfhedgehoglessness theory but x-rays shows internal differences that confirm the metaphysical & mathematical arguments.

The entity possesses a single entity which is commonly accepted as a half-hedgehog. The concept that a half-hedgehog exists constitutes the proof that it has another half-hedgehog counterpart; that is, a single half-hedgehog cannot exist unless another does. In this case, the half-hedgehog that the entity is without is the half-hedgehog which corresponds to the other half-hog in its possession. This is commonly referred to as half-hog half-hedgehoglessness and is unique.

Also known as Semi-halfhedgehoglessness & Quarterhedgehoglessness - this theory has long been disputed by the International Union of Philosophical Logicians, not due to any inherent logical paradox, but due to its pointlessness, halfpoinlessness, and semi-halfpointlessness.

Case 4: Dual Half-Hog Half-hedgehoglessness[edit]

The entity possesses two entities which are commonly accepted as half-hedgehogs. The case would seem to be self-denying: half-hedgehogfulness cannot prove half-hedgehoglessness. However, the proof has been defined since the 300s BC: First, any division of a whole hedgehog prevents the possibility of creating a perfect half-hedgehog; thus, though a whole hedgehog is in its most basic sense composed of two half-hedgehogs, these halfhogs cannot be separated and therefore cannot be identified as individual entities. Therefore, though the half-hogs in possession must exist, they cannot have been extracted from the whole hog by any normal physical means and therefore cannot be recombined to form a single whole hog.

Because a half-hedgehog is defined as that which constitutes or may constitute one half of the physical form of a half-hedgehog, the two half-hogs in possession do not exist in a mathematical sense. This is commonly referred to as dual half-hog half-hedgehoglessness and is half-hog half-hedgehoglessness added to itself once.

This is not a case of summative half-hedgehogidity.

Halfhedgehoglessness worksheets are in development for Primary School ages.

Related theories[edit]

Paracelsus' Original Lessness Theories:

  1. If an entity is in possession of no entity or part of an entity, that entity cannot possess a hedgehog, badger, rabbit, weasel, ferret, skunk, field-mouse, porcupine, or half of any of these mammals.
  2. If an entity possesses part of an entity but not a whole entity, that entity cannot possess a hedgehog, badger, rabbit, weasel, ferret, skunk, field-mouse, or porcupine.
  3. If an entity possesses two whole entities, they can be any combination of two of the following: hedgehog, badger, rabbit, weasel, ferret, skunk, field-mouse, or porcupine, but not two porcupines.
  4. If an entity possesses non-existence, it can be determined to not be an entity, kind of like Tobago.

See also[edit]

  • Hemisemihalfhedgehoglessness -The state of not possessing of another entity that is a 12.5% of a hedgehog. Sometimes referred to as Halfquarterhedgehoglessness
  • Hemidemisemihalfhedgehoglessness - The state of not possessing of another entity that is a 6.25% of a hedgehog. Sometimes referred to as Semihalfquarterhedgehoglessness
  • Subhemidemisemihalfhedgehoglessness - The state of not possessing of another entity that is a 3.125% of a hedgehog. Sometimes referred to as Hemisemihalfquarterhedgehoglessness