Phil Spector

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Phil Spector never had a good hair day.

Phillip Harvey "Phil" Spector (December 26, 1939 – January 16, 2021) was a flawed-yet-talented American mad musical genius, record producer, psychopath, and murderer. Despite producing a number of musical legends, wherein he invented the "Wall of Hair" production technique, he was best known for murdering innocent women and owning the world's largest collections of guns and bizarre toupeés. In his spare time, Spector ruled the lookalike industry as Hair Bear from The Hair Bear Bunch.

Early life[edit]

Spector was born as Phillip Jackson Butts in The Bronx, New York. As a young child, his father shot him in the head, partially splattering his brains and chipping away some of his hair; this may've damaged Phil's psyche and triggered his latter-day inclinations towards insanity, guns, violence, and hair. However, this problem was never addressed, as the young Phil was told by his dad to grit his teeth and hair-bear the pain.

Producer[edit]

Spector back when he looked presentable, before he turned into a gremlin due to his guns-and-hair addiction.

In the 1960s and 1970s, Spector worked as a legendary music producer for acts such as The Ronettes, The Crystals, John Lennon, George Harrison, Bobby Bruce, Leonard Cohen, and The Ramones. He is best known for rockin' the rock 'n' roll world in 1963 with the release of The Crystals' "(Let's Dance) The Screw", which he wrote and produced. "The Screw" immediately screwed its way over all of the charts across America, where it remains to this day, and helped transform the pop music scene with Spector's lush "Wall of Hair" reverb production technique. Meanwhile in the rest of the world, popular music developed along different lines, and Spector's name is but a forgotten murderous by-word of ancient history.

During his time as a legendary music producer, Phil pulled a gun on many people of the ages. These include: John Lennon, George Harrison, Bobby Bruce, Leonard Cohen, Dee Dee Ramone, fans who mistook Phil for Dudley Moore, and Robin Le Mesurier (son of John "Sergeant Wilson" Le Mesurier).

Murderer[edit]

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In 2003, Spector was convicted of second-degree murder for allegedly shooting actress Lana Clarkson. His sentence handed to him was life in jail and, more terrifying to him, cold turkey to his collection of wacky wigs; it was because of this that Spector was placed on suicide watch for awhile. However, Spector seemed quite content living in prison, as his Wall of Sound was now composed of other convicts complaining about their conditions or food.

Phil has always denied committing the murder, and said in a press interview that he was going to write a book titled, If I Did It, Here's How I Shot Lana in the Mouth with a Gun Right Through Her Front Teeth, That Bitch I Didn't Shoot Her; In Fact, I Tried to Stop Her from Shooting Herself by Attempting to Wrestle the Gun Out of Her Hands, Hence Why My Fingerprints Are On It, But It Went Off Before I Could Save Her. He never did but another prison stole all his wigs.

Death[edit]

Spector died of COVID-19 on January 16, 2021, in his French Camp, California prison cell. His hair was donated to the Long Island Sound Hall of Fame, and his guns to the recently-bankrupt NRA. His ex-wife Ronnie commented: "Working with Phil was working with the blurst. So much to love-hate about those days. Falling in love was like a Grimm fairytale. The magical music we made was inspired his abuse. He was a brilliant producer, but a lousy husband. Rest in piss."

See also[edit]