UnNews:Google implements gays-only employment policy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Friday, October 30, 2020, 15:52:59 (UTC)

Google implements gays-only employment policy UnNews Logo Potato.png

3 July 2010

Google’s controversial new employment policy is raising eyebrows and temperatures

MOUNTAIN VIEW, California -- A hot new Google policy is raising some eyebrows after the company revealed that effective immediately it will only be hiring new employees if they’re gay.

A Google spokesperson said that according to a new policy it would pay homosexual - gay and lesbian - employees, more money to make up for the poor work done by heterosexuals.

And over a period of 3 months beginning July 1, 2010 the Internet giant will terminate the contracts of all straight employees and totally exclude non-gays from Google employment. Google said Heterosexuals, who don't have gay tendencies, are considered a poor risk burden with low work ethics.

But under Google's new policy, the company isn't offering any other explanation to its heterosexual employees, because it says heterosexual employees have the option of getting married, which is both costly and also leads to unwanted complications, such as child birth, divorce, and camping vacations.

Daryl Herrschaft, director of the Workplace Project at Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights advocacy group, says Google's policy is a step in the right direction toward gay world domination.

“They’re turning up the heat where the federal government hasn’t recognized the reality of diversity in the workforce today,” Herschaft told FoxNews “This is eliminating the old discrimination that gays and lesbians faced in the work place and replacing it with new discrimination against heterosexuals."

Google goes gay

But Focus on the Family, a Christian organization aimed at providing practical help for marriage and parenting, says this is "outrageous."

“If Google wants to be truly fair to its employees, it should continue hiring both homosexuals and heterosexuals” spokesman Gary Schneeberger told FoxNews.com. “How is discrimination against those not fortunate enough to be gay good for society?”

Fox News legal analyst Lis Wiehl says even if the idea seems good in practice, it could become a legal issue because it's deciding employment based solely on sexual orientation.

“There’s a potential for a reverse discrimination suit because of the equal pay for equal work statute which says that if I’m doing the same job as the person next to me that my sexual preference shouldn’t be taken into consideration. It’s my work performance that should be taken into consideration,” Wiehl told FoxNews.com.

In reply to this, a Google spokesperson said, "legally, it has nothing to do with the employer. It's up to you to be straight or gay. If a person wants to work at Google they must be gay. And Google can’t decide that for you!"