UnNews:Grumpy Barr loses a sibling

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Grumpy Barr loses a sibling

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Friday, November 29, 2019, 06:12:59 (UTC)

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17 May 2019

So often it happens that people resemble their pets

WASHINGTON D.C. -- United States Attorney General William Barr is in mourning following the death of his sister Grumpy Cat yesterday. Grumpy Cat died after being diagnosed with a urinary infection.

Grumpy Cat was also a registered trademark of the Republican Party, and used to love rubbing up against First Lady Melanoma Trump, until the disclosure of President Donald Trump's notorious remark that "I'm famous enough to get away with grabbing a pussy by the woman."

I am sad that my kitty-litter sister Grumpy Cat has died, said Barr from his office (now equipped with anti-Congress lasers). So today I am a bit upset and will not eat the food kindly left in a dish by the catflap.

Barr's signature grumpiness stood in contrast to his predecessor, Jeff Sessions, who always had smiles and backslaps for President Donald Trump as well as his detractors. Sessions was always willing to do anyone a favor, such as stand aside in view of his pro-Trump partisanship, so that the President could be investigated by more down-the-middle Nevertrumpers. However, Robert Mueller's investigation was hastily wound up when grumpiness became the order of the day.

I kept telling Jeff, "We need more DOUR!" Great guy, but he wouldn't get on board! Worst AG ever!

—Donald J. Trump

Barr has been excessively grumpy in public of late, after he refused to hand over a fully unredacted copy of Mueller's report with added illustrations, photographs, and spicy rumors. The death of Grumpy Cat, and Barr's reaction to it, has gained him some sympathy from members of the Democratic Party and the cat community. The Attorney General has asked Congress to leave him alone while he grieves, a process that should be complete around November 3, 2020.