UnNews:Latest Kim Jong-un lookalike bloated up to working weight in record time
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|Latest Kim Jong-un lookalike bloated up to working weight in record time|
03 May 2020
The country’s leader has not been seen in several weeks, leading to suspicion that the waddling fatso might have expired as a result of his lifestyle — only for someone who looked very much like him to be pictured at the country’s factory.
Senior nutritionists have been unable to contain their delight at successfully transforming a stick-thin peasant who looked vaguely like Kim into a honking lardass with a stupid haircut in less than a month.
“There’s only enough food in our country for one fat guy at a time,” said Will Sim-un, Professor of Food Science at the University of Taedong, “which means we can’t keep lookalikes lined up in readiness. Instead, we had to stick a tube down the new guy’s throat and pour food down it like a plump Christmas goose until either he hit the target weight, or burst. “I mean, third time lucky, right? Shame about the other two guys but at least we managed to get most of them off the carpet.”
Asked whether the real Kim Jong-un will return, Professor Sim-un said the “Dear Leader” will be back on the world stage soon and his stand-in will be “recycled.”
- Wall Street Journal "Kim Jong Un Returns, and North Korean Instability Fears Fade Away". Wall Street Journal, May 03, 2020