UnNews:NY Times gets flak for calling physicist a "climate dentist"

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NY Times gets flak for calling physicist a "climate dentist"

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Sunday, November 24, 2019, 04:27:59 (UTC)

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Emeritus professor Happer states that he has nothing to do with the dentistry profession, as alleged by the New York Times, and demonstrates to the interviewer that his own teeth are in "pretty good shape."

23 February 2019
NEW YORK CITY -- The New York Times is taking public criticism for labeling emeritus Princeton professor emeritus William Happer a "climate dentist."

Happer is an emeritus member of an emeritus White House climate security committee, presumably studying how best to "Make America Great Again" when both New York and Washington are ten feet deep in the Atlantic Ocean. Reportedly, the committee's first draft will claim that that is a problem that is its own solution.

Many in the capital, however, object to the Times comparing an emeritus scientist to a member of a profession associated with root canals, painful drilling, and boring monologues about a recent vacation to the Peruvian Andes, to which the patient cannot reply because his or her mouth is stuffed with cotton.

The nation's "newspaper of record" has faced declines in print advertising and subscription revenue, which it has offset by laying off its erstwhile army of sub-editors. The national news, for instance, is covered by a single sub-editor, working for college credit, aided by a Microsoft spell-checker, which comes even cheaper. The sub-editor did not return repeated phone calls, while the spell-checker was sure that "denialist" was not a word but "dentist" was.

Emeritus professor Happer, for his part, said that he regards climate as a settled fact, likewise climate change, as he is pretty sure last week's blizzard never happened in all of July and August.

Incidentally, the Times disparaged the professor in one other respect, as the spell-checker does not believe "emeritus" is a word either.

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