UnNews:Trump claims toilets don't suck enough, vows to deregulate

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6 December 2019

The Donald gets down to 'number two' business.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Donald Trump has unveiled his plans to deregulate toilet design, complaining that it was the regulations that forced him to flush his toilet 10 to 15 times "to get it all down".

The Donald, also known as the President of the United States, discussed in front of a business round table his order to the Environmental Protection Agency to review remove plumbing fixtures that use less water. He argues that people compensate by misusing these so that they are using more water than they would with a water-wasteful plumbing fixture. He discussed low-flow sinks as well, claiming that people (especially those at work, who have no time constraints) simply spend more time at the low-flow sinks, also using more water. He also insisted that this discussion had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he is getting older and may have related digestive issues, nor with the fact that he really needs a diversion from the impeachment investigation to win in 2020.

In the same round-table discussion, Trump also singled out energy-saving light bulbs for "making him look orange."