UnNews:You Are Reading This Headline; About To Click On It

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues UnNews Monday, April 12, 2021, 16:46:59 (UTC)

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17 April 2006

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
In online conversation you often use "U" instead of "you".

(UnNews Secret Headquarters) Just as this article's headline predicted, you clicked on it and are actively reading this article. Now, you are reading this very sentence. At this point, you are amused by the concept of this joke, but are skeptical as to how it can continue for more than just a few sentences. According to high-placed sources, your skepticism is quite valid.

While many would have stopped reading by now, you are still here. Your eyes are moving left to right across the screen, and then dropping down after each line - much like the little spaceships in the video game Space Invaders, which, incidentally, you used to play as a kid. Your English reading skills are being put to a test right now, but it's a breeze for you; your 1st grade elementary school teacher added, "You were a great student and mastered reading at an early age."

The latest wire reports are now saying that you are sitting at home, but CNN is reporting that you are, in fact, at work. You are the only one who can clear up this confusion. Meanwhile, you are wondering why this article seems to repeat certain words a lot, but then you realize that there are no synonyms for the word "you."

This article is intriguing you because it is written in a 2nd person perspective; much different from the 1st person or 3rd person narratives you have previously encountered in your reading career. The personal attention given to you in this article is pleasing, yet a little scary. It's okay–let this self-referential report soothe your senses. And don't let this self-referential sentence blow your mind.

Since you are currently visiting a Wiki site, you may be tempted to fix the spelling mistake in this passage, but you will refrain from doing so becuase the mistakes are intentional. In an ironic twist of fate, fixing the typos would be an act of vandalism of your part. This also makes you wonder how, if at all, you would be able to listen to this article via a podcast.

It is uncertain whether you have yet looked at the picture to the right hand side of this article. But it is almost certain that you looked at it after reading the previous sentence. As this strange article nears its conclusion, you are wondering why you wasted the past minute of your life reading it. Yet, apparently you must have enjoyed, or at least been captivated by it since you are still reading it at this very moment. Now, you are reading the very last sentence of this story, eager to return to UnNews at a later time for more exciting reports, or not.


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