UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20141109
Public Service Announcement
So here you are, sitting at your desk, leaning towards the screen of your computer, that, for some reason, shows you two pictures of ... pumpkins. It's not that strange an occurrence, but I hear you muttering to yourself in anger and dismay: "But Halloween was, like, ages ago!" and "The lateness of this UnSignpost beat all the possible records!"
Let us answer some of the points you brought to our attention so graciously. First of all, even if we broke all the records this time, we don't see anything wrong with it, considering that these records were set by us as well. It's true that Halloween was, like, ages ago - ten days, at least. Now, would you be so kind as to check Uncyclopedia's Votes for Highlight page, where articles are nominated to be on the main page? Well, scroll down now. I see that several articles have been there for more than forty days already.
Forty. It's four times more than ten days, that you are currently blaming on the UnSignpost editors.
Do you really know what this forty means? Imagine an anxious writer, who put his page up for a vote. He waited for a week for any result, didn't see any, then became less anxious and possibly less impatient, after that spent a week working on something else, than another week, and then possibly another one, then stopped waiting, left Uncyclopedia, got a job and is already climbing the career ladder. Isn't that impressive?
Oh, and what about you? You... You are sitting at your desk and complaining about the two pumpkins that we decided to put in this UnSignpost.
No, seriously.
PLS results are in
By ScottPat
The results are in! After a Summer of two competitions dedicated to bringing more users in and ironically, in an Uncyclopedia style, ending up with a few users leaving, the PLS results bring it all to a close. Congratulations to Captain gull with his winning Stairs article. The challenge of writing an article on the topic didn't seem to trip him up and send him tumbling into the abyss of factual accuracy. Congratulations also go to Spike for the best re-write, Brick, Ye Blacke Adder for the best noob article, Muslim Sisterhood and finally to Snarglefoop for the best illustrated article, Flying toasters. There were no collaboration articles submitted this year.
All the articles have been submitted to VFH for you to ponder over, and unleash your abuse on the judges for not letting you win. More in-depth comments on the articles can be found here. Well done to everyone taking part in the PLS and hopefully this will inspire the next generation of budding Uncyclopedians to go on and on, endlessly filling the interweb up with crap.
Userbase fluctuations
By ScottPat
UnSignpost has noticed an increase in the number of regular users Uncyclopedia has had recently. This is due to the return of three old Uncyclopedians to our shores. Users Xamralco, Llwy-ar-lawr and Nikau have returned to use the only talent they actually have in life -- comedy writing -- an annoying fact they discovered while on their Uncyclopedia break.
User Xamralco claims to be an admin on the site. A fact accepted by the other admins as he/she was added to UN:AA and Llwy-ar-lawr is rumoured to have previous experience at being an admin. Both bring piles of paper work to fill up Uncyclopedia's on-site visitors' tea room with. Nikau is a veteran writer willing to write their way back into Uncyclopedia's history.
This all helps our Autumn PLS competition, which currently has three best article entries, three best re-write entries and one best illustrated article entry. Are we on track to beat the number of entries at the Summer HMC? We shall see. Good luck to the competitors.
Meanwhile, new and not-so-new users keep on getting attracted by the activity of other, experienced users, the on-going PLS or just the accidentally turned on light. Snarglefoop, a prolific author and gamer game-creator on other wikis, finally decided to grant this site with his attention.
Welcoming goes as usual - from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. and then from 3 to 8 p.m. While some don't necessarily register in the right hours, Know one knows did and has already managed to get hold of the science of writing complete articles and the art of formatting. Cheers to everyone!
"We should look more like Wikipedia"
By ScottPat
On the forum, Looking like Wikipedia, long-time user Nikau expresses his wish that our esteemed website keep more in line with Wikipedia's format. Not only has he proposed a more dictatorial approach to adminship and a more serious style of writing, Nikau doesn't even hesitate to suggest that "the font and everything" need to be updated to "look like a direct parody of Wikipedia". How we can still maintain our parody website while mimicking Wikipedia's serious bullshit written by thirty something year olds and teenagers, is beyond this UnSignpost journalist.
Nikau's new founded campaign under the name of "We should look more like Wikipedia" or WSLMLW for short, also the name of Wikipedia's unique coding language, will address the issues that face Uncyclopedia by undressing its current skin and re-dressing it with Wikipedia's hand me downs. Backlash has come from editors who are too lazy to check Wikipedia and notice that their whole formatting has changed radically compared to Uncyclopedia's skin, which mimics the previous Wikipedia skin.
Wikipedia would need skill and time — two items in short supply over there — to revert back and remain in synch with Uncyclopedia.
Did you know...
- ...that voting for Uncyclopedia's best articles, newbies, writers and Uncyclopedians of the month may increase your chance of getting one of these awards?
Pee Week
Here it comes: a competition, that promote the noble activity of peeing on a work of fellow Uncyclopedians. Pee Week 2014 starts on November 15th! Be ready to donate the best quality waste for the good of Uncyclopedia. Sign up here!
Xamralco
Journalist: Hello Mr Mralco! As a prominent Uncyclopedia editor, you should have known that having your name appear on Recent Changes too often might make the members of Uncyclopedia's secret police, who also happen to be Uncyclopedia's main newspaper's editors, want to ask you some questions. Unfortunately, when this is the case, there is no turning back. So, here you go:
- To begin with, how do you think the one-adoptee policy on Uncyclopedia influences our writers' population pyramid? (Note: this isn't a yes/no question.)
- Yes. --
19:20, September 26, 2014 (UTC)
- Oh darn it, I didn't read the small print. That always seems to get you. -- 19:20, September 26, 2014 (UTC)
- Oh darn it, I didn't read the small print. That always seems to get you. --
- Yes. --
- Thank you! Another one: how many articles have you written to support research for cure of deadly diseases? Have you donated any million dollars to the cause?
- Six and yes. I take deadly diseases very seriously. My grandmother died from one. Also, that was more than one question. -- 19:47, September 26, 2014 (UTC)
- Six and yes. I take deadly diseases very seriously. My grandmother died from one. Also, that was more than one question. --
- How many questions can you answer, while holding your breath? Have you made any progress in that area since you were first asked that question?
- I've answered twelve in the past. Let's see if I can break that record. -- 20:00, September 26, 2014 (UTC)
- I've answered twelve in the past. Let's see if I can break that record. --
- We'll test this. The next round is going to be a blitz. Try answering each question as quickly as you can (with your breath held, obviously).
- Since when have you been aware of the fact that typing, while standing on your head, increases your overall blood pressure?
- Since I tried to do it while holding my breath. -- 22:41, September 26, 2014 (UTC)
- Since I tried to do it while holding my breath. --
- What 20th century art movement would you associate this dialogue to?
- It's gotta be Dada or Surrealism... Potato monkeys. -- 01:26, September 27, 2014 (UTC)
- It's gotta be Dada or Surrealism... Potato monkeys. --
- OK, I am back and I hope that, as an honest man, you are still holding your breath. Tell me, how surrealistic can you get, while meditating in front of the potato monkeys?
- I'm sorry but I already died from holding my breath for so long. -- 17:07, September 28, 2014 (UTC)
- I'm sorry but I already died from holding my breath for so long. --
- Since when have you been aware of the fact that typing, while standing on your head, increases your overall blood pressure?
- That's a pity. Anyway, thank you for donating your time and life to the UnSignpost and we will gratefully talk about your sacrifice in the next issue, whenever it comes out. Oh, but you can't tell us whether you think this interview is over! Maybe I should continue?
- How can you continue if I'm dead? -- 21:57, October 2, 2014 (UTC)
- How can you continue if I'm dead? --
- You are dead, so your opinion isn't really required, even though there is some fraction of reason there. Anton (talk) 17:01, October 3, 2014 (UTC)
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