Adolf Hitler doing something naughty. Probably.
January 16: Pencil Envy Day
- c.1.5 million BCE - Cave people carefully collect and trade for as many different colors of pigment as they can. After mixing up probably fifty separate colors of paint, they mix them all together to get black.
- 1264 - For the first time in human history, a man is born twice.
- 1337 - England seethes when they find the French got 24-crayon boxes for Christmas instead of England's normal 16. This would ignite the Hundred Years War, eventually expanding into countries with colored pencils and paint sets.
- 1356 - Some dude gets all medieval on some other dude.
- 1922 - Eberhard Faber perfects the pencil but dies tragically the same day when stabbed by someone running with scissors.
- 1930 - Mickey Mouse loses his license to Steamboat Willie after being caught transporting 11 illegal immigrants up the Timeless River. Walt Disney distraught.
- 1942 - Odds are, Hitler did something bad on this date in 1942.
- 1969 - Freddie Blassie begins his search for pencil-necked geeks. Congress doubles its security.
- 1985 - MacGyver disarms a bomb in the dark using only a very large pencil and two meatballs, only to find it was actually guest star John Holmes.
- 1987 - Something performed by guys with poofy hair and makeup is the number one song in America.
- 1990 - You suddenly realize time didn't stop, but know that time stopped. Hammer time!
- 2000 - Something.com receives one million hits exactly at the same time some stoner dude takes his millionth hit.
- 2007 - The Dark Portal opens. World of Warcraft fans shit themselves.