Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 21

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Pondwhale.JPG

July 21 National Fight Day (UK), Belgium Awareness Day

  • 58 BCE - Julius Caesar becomes aware of the Belgae when an arrow flies past his head. His legions make short work of their 10,000-strong army, spotted all hiding behind the one rock in all of Belgica, the highest point in the entire region.
  • 1066 - Fight Day is established. "You do not talk about Fight Day," proclaims the King, shortly before being impaled on a sword by Normans.
  • c.1200 - Due to their mutual dislike of Brussel sprouts, France, the Netherlands and later Spain realize that Belgium would be an ideal battleground while also using their armies to destroy the hated vegetable and lousy chocolate.
  • 1298 - Battle of Falskirt. Edward Longlegs defeats Mel Gibson's Scottish hooligans in a poker game.
  • 1447 - The snack industry falters as everyone is too busy fighting everone else to take a break.
  • 1839 - William Otis invents the steam shovel. This is regarded as a frivolous invention since it is more important to shovel the vast quantities of horseshit piling up every day.
  • 1891 - Whitcomb Judson invents the zipper after hanging out in his local bar.
  • 1949 - The United States ratifies the North Atlantic Treaty, officially enacting a truce with the hostile North Atlantic Ocean that would be honored until sea otters invade Boston in 1977.
  • 1958 - The elusive and mysterious pond whale (pictured) is first described in scientific literature.
  • 1977 - Sea otters invade Boston; Fulton Fish Market is devastated. Land and air otters join the fight.
  • 2006 - The first in a wildly successful series of prison journals is published on Uncyclopedia.
  • 2007 - "Celebrating Fight Day may increase your risk of getting into a fight" says a statistician after completing a 30-year research program.