Fantard

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Fantard
Doofus.jpg
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Primates
Family Hominidae
Genus Homo
Species sapiens
Binomial name
Homo sapiens tardus
Specifications
Primary armament Swarming
Secondary armament Whining
Power supply Red Bull, white knight journals
Health Sickly
Mana deviantart
Strength low - high
Intelligence low - high
Weight 70-1000
Length 50-100
Special attack Whiny Swarm with art and media
Conservation status
invasive, destruct

The Fantard (Homo sapiens fantardus) is a human subspieces who are influenced by the evil zone known as fandom. The most vicious can be seen at deviantART, LiveJournal, Gaia Online. EXTREME caution should be taken when wandering these sites, as it is extremely likely they will kill you and rearrange your body into a piece of fan art.

Overview[edit]

Fantards should not under any circumstances be mistaken for a normal fan. Fantards have a deranged obsession with their fandom. In fact, they are so obessive to their franchise that they ruin it, like a 4-year-old child who ends up hugging its pet cat to death. They spend their free day going to websites like deviantART and LiveJournal, making porn and fanfics of their favourite characters, which will inevitably ruin the hell of it. They then spend the other twelve hours of the day looking for critics, trolls and anti-fantards. If they find one, they will appear in masses (about 20-30) and stab them until kingdom come. So don't ever try to touch, or criticize their artworks or fanfics, or attack their fandom, or you will get what you deserve.

Habits[edit]

The common reaction by sensible people.

Fantards are extremely nightmarish creatures for every franchise. They create slash pairings (a fandom pairing that wants to knock up the same sex, such as men X men or women X women) that no sane person can stand, such as Gaara X Naruto. What's more, in order to add more gruesome effects, they even draw creative slash pairings which are beyond the normal immag-nation, such as Yugi X Atem which are obviously the same person doing their yaoi act.

If these are not insane enough, they will usually spawn an abomination known as an original character, or simply called as OC. It is basically a horribly mutilated canon character such as a green Sonic or a ninja that looks like Naruto, in a exceptionally stupid plot made by the fantard.

What's worse is if the OC gains much popularity, the fantard who spawned it will do a collaboration (simply called collab), with another fantard's OC, which is usually an OC having gay/lesbian sex with another OC.

Society[edit]

An example of a original character.

Fantards usually live in societies called "fanclubs", which are led by Type 3 fantards. This is an extremely popular fantard which orders other fantards to flame other fantards of other fanclubs, critics who give constructive criticism or trolls who invade their fanclub. It also seems to be the fantards who posts the most original character/non-canon slash porn, and might be the big reason behind its popularity.

Under the Type 3 fantard are Type 2 fantards, which are also called "asskissers" or "white knights" because of their tendency to attack other people. According to French poet Anonymous, they are extremely dangerous. However, he is able to handle them, when according to Encyclopedia Dramatica, an average person is not able to handle one swarm of them. A variant of the Type 2 is the zombie fantard, who will obviously think Naruto X Gaara is the most KAWAII DESU NE couple.]] These are the true really dangerous ones. Because of this, they are the most primary driving forces in fanclubs.

A Fantard of the My Little Pony franchise is called a Brony. Above ranking systems do apply.

There is also a force called white knights, which follow the Type 3 fantard for the sole purpose of sex, which will obviously fail.

Interaction with normal fans[edit]

Attacks[edit]

White knight in action.

“Once, I found somebody who drew a sick yaoi picture of Gaara having sex with Naruto in deviantART, then I called them sick which is truth. The next day, I found my deviantART homepage coated with goatse and tubgirls.”

~ Some sensible person
Before a fantard swarm goes blasting you, they will always go bawww with a white knight journal in order to send a signal for other fantards to attack you.

Fantards are known for their foul moods, and have extremely short tempers and will lash out against critics, trolls, other fanclubs, or people who insulted their magnificent Gaara. Therefore they are extremely dangerous to encounter. They also have an extreme rivalry with the common mind, so they always bring trouble to art or fanfic critics. Given they always swarm the victim, if the person is not ready for that, an angry swarm of fantard is able to totally destroy a homepage and overwhelm a person.

Also, the first sign of a angry fantard mass blasting you is you see a "white knight journal/notice/whatever" against you. But however, trolls, especially internet hate machines, are immune to such swarming, and will almost always successfully raid the fantard home base.


Sensible person: Oh my god, you losers don't get a life. Do you guys know that Yugi and Atem are the same person? If you don't know, it's normal, since you guys know little about Yu-Gi-Oh!. Sick Fucks.
Fantard1:UGI AND ATEM IZ @ S00000 KWA11 DEZU N3 COUPLE^0^!!!DE@TH T0 A11 Wh0 0PPOSE THIS C0up1e>_<!!!11
Fantard2:I agr33 with fantard 1 !!!THEY R S0000 NEK0-DEZU T0GETHER!YO How RuD3 >O<!!!11
Fantard3:0H Y3AH!!!111YU WI11 PAY!!!!>:(
Sensible person went back to his homepage next day, only to it full of goatse and meatspin.

Fantard glossary[edit]

  • Brony; A fantard of My Little Pony, known for his friendship and magic.
  • Twitard; Not to be confused with fuckwads who blindly worship Twitter, It's a fantard who lives in the Twilight fandom.
  • Touneyfag: A gamer fanboy who engages in fair and competitive battling for themselves by making up rules as they go along.
  • Sonicfag: a fantard of the sconic franchise. One of the most dangerous fantards that you will ever come across.
  • Yaoi Fangirl; A rabid creature that will actually kill your family if you troll their sacred couple. "WE DO ANYTHING TO DEFEND THE ONE TRUE COUPLE!!!!!111"

Common reaction to fantards[edit]

Standard pokeporn drawn by a fantard. Note that the artist of this actually drew all pokémon as porn

“Oh my god! They ruined Pokémon, Harry Potter and Naruto, by making sick couples of our normally fantastic characters!”

~ Junichi Masuda, J.K. Rowling and Masashi Kishimoto on fantards

“Even I don't take my productions that seriously. Once I encountered a fanturd that said she had a boyfriend named Malfoy at Hogwarts. Of course I bitchslapped her due to her giga-stupidity.”

~ Chuck Norris on a Harry Potter fantard

“One should not engage a fight against fantards; doing so will only cause your demise, unless you are a troll like me.”

~ Anonymous on the danger of fantards

“The nethermost fanart are not for the fathoming of eyes that see; for their badness is strange and terrific. Cursed the yaoi where weird gay couples live new and oddly bodied, and evil the crap that is ranted by no fantard. Wisely did Ibn Schacabao say, that 'happy is the fanart website where no fantard hath registered, and happy the town at night whose fantards are all banned'. For it is of old rumour that the soul of the devil-bought hastes not from this fanart website, but fats and instructs the very user that draws; till out of corruption horrid fanart springs, and the dull Fantards of deviantART wax crafty to vex it and draws weird fetishes to plague it. Great dung secretly is featured where pokemon ought to suffice, and fanart have been praised that ought to be ranted.”

~ The Fandomnomicon on fantards, fandom and fanart

Fantard Syndrome[edit]

Fantards can't take constructive criticisim and opinion.

Fantard syndrome is the colletive term of you turning into a fantard. It was first discovered by deviantart admins, when they noticed that normal personnel turn into Type 2 fantards because they interact with zombie fantards. They also discovered that zombie fantards always carry the virus, and Type 2s and Type 3s will even sometimes carry it. It can potentially infect you via online websites.

Symptoms of when you are turning into one[edit]

First, the victim will start to obsess, start to wander and have an urge to join deviantART, Archive Of Our Own, FanFiction.net (exclusively), WritersCafe.org, LiveJournal and Gaia Online. After about 3 hours, they will join said sites and start to speak English combined with Japanese, usually in leetspeak. One week later the victim will start to masturbate to, then create non-canon Yaoi/yuri, and starts to defend the fantastic deja vu of the fandom a lot, such as thinking Gen1 and Gen2 are the best.

Asspatting should occur after one week, after that the victim will join at least 3 original character (OC) groups/clubs/fanclubs. The worst symptoms is the victim starting to join attacks against critics, trolls and anti-fans, using troll-like ways, learning spamming and hacking. Finally 4Chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica will start to have a grudge against you, signaling the victim turning into a Type 2. If he/she is not destroyed he/she will even turn into a zombie fantard. Then the fantard will infect more innocent fans: as Martian Luther King Jr. said, "It's like leading them into a burning house."

If the Type 2 fantard hasn't turned a zombie fantard and drawn over 20 pieces of shitty fanart, he/she will turn into a Type 3 fantard, and possibly opening more fanclubs and producing more shitty fanart.

Is there a cure for Fantard Syndrome?[edit]

There is no cure for fantard syndrome, but there is a believed cure which is the reverse of fantard fandom, known as real fandom. It is composed of canon couples, reality and subtle humor.

See also[edit]