Gross Moral Turpitude

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Nuns. They're asking for it.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gross Moral Turpitude.

“I was once accused of Gross Moral Turpitude, but you know what? I thought bugger it, and bugger them too...”

Gross Moral Turpitude is a Medieval legalistic term which referred to "the raping of large numbers of nuns", specifically in numbers in excess of eleven at any one time, but expanding to any number greater than that. Similar acts performed on eleven or less nuns are referred simply as Moral Turpitude, and have a less strict canonical relevance. Realistically there is no limit on the number of nuns involved, with the only limited factor defining it as finite been the stamina of the individual involved.

Its modern usage is mainly as an academic term to describe levels of bile in articles published in Conservapedia or front page headlines within British Newspaper the Daily Mail, although it is frequently utilised in internet chatgroups as a put-down, as well as by minority groups in an attempt to turn public opinion against another minority group.


The distinction arose historically between finding a defining point between Gross Moral Turpitude and Moral Turpitude, the names of which first appear in the 12th and 13th Centuries, with a great deal of varied opinion expressed as to the matter of these distinctions. The matter would go on to dominate differences within the Catholic Church for close to a millennia, and provide one of the major issues which would lead to the formation of the Protestant movement.

A number of leading philosophers and the great minds of our era, including Bertrand Russell, Ludwig Wittgenstein and P Diddy, have all attempted to seek out the inner truth of the matter via a series of circular and self-referential pseudo-intellectual arguments. Many question that gross moral turpitude offenses may be grounds to deny or revoke a professional licenses such as a teaching, license to practice law, or other licensed profession, although it should be noted that no such restrictions are placed upon those seeking a career within the Church or within Politics.


Historical Usage

Thomas Aquinas. He was asking for it.
Huh huh....

“You're doing it wrong, here, watch me...”

In his thesis "List of Five Reasons Proving the Existence of God (Though to be Fair I Really Don't Need to Prove Anything, as Not Believing in God is Punishable by Death Under Order of His Catholic Holiness the Pope)" Thomas Aquinas states the term Moral Turpitude should cover "all acts of baseness, vileness or depravity in the private and social duties which a man owes to his fellow man, or to society in general, contrary to the accepted and customary rule of right and duty between man and man, but those that specifically relate to acts of wanton buggery and fornication aimed towards women who have taken solemn vows committing themselves to a spiritual life".

Within Martin Luther's study of the Lewd Acts of the Apostles and its influence on dogma within the Catholic Church he states that Gross Moral Turpitude is so ingrained within Church doctrine that the two are now indistinguishable.

The Father of Modern Psychology Sigmund Freud was a great admirer of the term "Gross Moral Turpitude", and the phrase appeared no fewer than four hundred and eighty-seven times within his collective works, only thirteen times less than "daddy issues" and twenty-four times less than "penis envy".

Modern Usage

Sir, I disagree strongly with your argument, and furthermore accuse you of gross moral turpitude, thus rendering your opinions worthless, whilst strengthening my own...

The term is nowadays most often heard from sanctimonious do-gooders intent of pushing their own limited worldview onto the larger community, most often in the form of questioning the ethics and moral compass of reasonable individuals who might disagree with them. The phrase is utilised by groups on both sides of the political spectrum, but is mostly utilised by individuals emotionally unbalanced from an overdose of righteous indignation over some perceived injustice.

Measuring Gross Moral Turpitude

Although not universally used, a number of cultured observers judge the levels of moral turpitude based on the distance from their traditional heartland. The further away from the Gross Moral Turpitude base-rate (referred to as GMT) the less cultured and right thinking national groups are likely to be. Thus Holland which is GMT+1 (a difference of 1 from the base-rate standard) is viewed as "almost English but with funny accents" whilst California is GMT-8, a more considerable difference which is reflected in the total lack of morals amongst its inhabitants. Under this criteria New Zealand is the more morally corrupt nation on Earth.

Many within the scientific community question the relevance of distance to GMT levels, with recent studies on Quantum Theory placing greater weight on the Heisenberg Unprincipled Principle to measure levels of Gross Moral Turpitude. Much of the hypothesis is based on Quantum superpositon, and should be taken with a pinch of salt itself no bigger than a pin head, allowing adequate space for any Angels jitterbugging upon it.

See Also

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