UnNews:America leaves climate Accord

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6 June 2017

Mr. Trump, shown as he was on his way out of the Accord.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced that the United States is getting out of the Paris climate Accord.

As with the NAFTA free-trade treaty with Canada and Mexico, Mr. Trump said his action should not be taken as opposition, as he is theoretically still interested in a new agreement if it were rewritten from scratch. He said such a deal could continue to be called an Accord, much as the successor to Obama-care will not be called Obama-care though it will be the same thing.

The Accord that Mr. Trump has gotten America out of is almost certainly not a Honda Accord. However, it is not a treaty either. That would have had to go to the U.S. Senate, like Kyoto in 1997, which failed because no one could find 194 Senators to outvote the 97 who lined up against it. Kyoto was not a treaty either, nor an Accord, but a Protocol, not to be confused with the popular hatchback by Kia. Ex-President Barack Obama, who famously stated that "I have a pen and a phone" though no longer a majority in Congress, had signed the Paris Accord with his pen, and probably taken a video of it with his phone, and escorted inspectors from Belgium into American factories to ensure that the Escort cost twice as much.

The Accord, like the one by Honda, has a low cost but barely functions. It would punish the United States for having planet-killing achievement and industry, require that China convert away from coal (in 2030, maybe), and require that India and the Third World also move toward sustainability, if we pay them. If the payments went straight to their armies, it would result in words almost as harsh as those given in the wake of the terrorist attack in London. Theresa May will probably be out of a job and could travel to Uganda to scold its leaders that "enough is enough!"

If, despite human nature, all nations obeyed the Accord, world temperature would be 0.03° cooler in 2100, and the long wait for the start of the next ice age would be imperceptibly reduced, which is probably good for ski areas, unless everyone has one in his backyard, though Minor League Baseball clubs still have not had game-worthy weather this year.

Numerous foreign leaders said that America was abandoning its world leadership. They said America should be at the head of the pack because that makes it easier to lift the wallet out of America's back pocket. Fully 193 nations agreed to rape America, which is unanimity that America should not oppose. Tiny Dominica declared that America was becoming unreliable, implying that they would also get out of the Accord if the U.S. stops gassing it up.

As Mr. Trump's action is neither a small car nor a treaty, it does not have to go to Congress, which is a relief, considering what has happened to the Trump initiatives that did.

Sources[edit]

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