UnNews:COVID-19 would vote Tory

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Where man always bites dog UnNews Wednesday, August 5, 2020, 15:54:59 (UTC)

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8 July 2020

Coronavirus (top, with corona)

LONDON, United Kingdom -- The Coronavirus has suggested today it would vote for Prime Minister Boris Johnson in the next General Election if it had the opportunity, saying it has been pleasantly surprised by the welcome it has received in the United Kingdom.

COVID-19 has admitted that it had apprehension before visiting UK because of the ruling Conservative Party's reputation for being tough on immigration, and "the whole Brexit thing", but says it has been offered nothing but hospitality by the population of the country.

"I was expecting to get the cold shoulder when I arrived in February, but I was welcomed with open arms, invited into people's homes," the virus commented. "It's not always easy to get on in a new country, to find your feet, but I found people went out of their way to make me feel welcome. I even managed to bag a ticket (or a couple of thousand) to a couple of Champions League football matches and being able to sup real ale in crowded historic pubs was a real treat. I was even allowed into the VIP area at the Cheltenham horse-racing festival."

Not all areas were as welcoming and COVID-19 admits to feeling somewhat cold-shouldered by hospitals: "Yes, they weren't overjoyed to see me in those places," it said, "but as an apology, they would instead divert me directly into care-homes instead, where I had the chance to mix with some of the nicest and most vulnerable people you are ever likely to meet. I almost felt guilty when I sucked the last drops of life from those 25,000 people."

Sources[edit]

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.