UnNews:Nixon ID'd as secret Russian asset

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Wednesday, August 5, 2020, 14:10:59 (UTC)

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22 October 2019

Her Nibs is getting closer to understanding What Happened?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Richard M. Nixon has been identified as the clandestine Russian asset triggering a whirlwind of controversy in the last week.

2016 election winner Hillary Clinton, entering her fourth year of questioning why she still has not been escorted into the Oval Office and given the passcodes to the nuclear football, last Thursday stated that the Russians were grooming secret "assets" to likewise thwart the 2020 Presidential election. This could result in the surprise seating of a President lacking even the minimal qualifications, again.

Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D—HI) is one of the two women accused by Ms. Clinton, meow

The two assets Ms. Clinton named were: Tulsi Gabbard, a Democratic Party candidate from Hawaii who is polling at 2%, and Jill Stein, a member of the Green Party who is not running for anything, as Ms. Clinton is theoretically not either. Ms. Clinton said the two Russian "assets" would wreak chaos in the 2020 election and destabilize the United States, to the benefit of Russia, by running an inspiring third-party campaign and unfairly giving Americans a choice other than Donald Trump and Joe Biden — Ms. Clinton herself, again, not being in the running.

Both women have denied the charge of being in cahoots with Russia, and various Democrats have rushed to their defense. However, having to disprove the charge has diverted Ms. Gabbard from her vital niche campaign appealing to fellow military veterans, most of whom don't think the military should have admitted women, and Ms. Stein from her scrapbooking or whatever.

Agent Boris Badenov told UnNews, "We have kompromat on moose and squirrel. None on woman with fat ankles."

Now UnNews can confirm that Nixon is in fact the secret Russian resource. Nixon is expert at the necessary treachery and skullduggery — having both sent subordinates to raid the psychiatrist of a political rival and created the Environmental Protection Agency — and his status as a decedent gives him a perfect cover story.

Russians grooming assets is not quite the same as London Muslims grooming assets, but if it were, Ms. Gabbard is the more groomable; and if the Russians have kompromat on her — say, naked photos, such as a caller once claimed to have on Trump to prank Congressional inquisitor Adam Schiff — then the nation could actually get interested in the 2020 election.