UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20131031
VFD floods
By ScottPat
The VFD region of Uncyclopedia has undergone serious flooding in the past few days with many articles drowning in the midst of the storm that hit. Rescue attempts were declared futile last night when barely any keep votes made it through the strong winds. Almost 20 articles who had been detained in the VFD zone were eliminated.
This comes so recently after the mass killing spree on VFD a few weeks ago. Experts are worried that VFD may contain an unlucky curse that haunts it. Could there be a link between the killings and the floodings?
Travel agents are warning articles to stay away from the area until the storm has subsided. An onlooker commented, "The scene of devastation was immense, elctronic coding was flung everywhere!"
The remains of the articles were quickly incinerated and the reports of their disappearances and drownings were recorded in the VFD archives. People are wondering why the met office did not predict the sudden outbreak of stormy weather in time for a response to be taken.
Now all that needs to happen is for the gallons of water to be pumped out of the VFD pit. "This may take some time," warned an admin, "We're using Shabidoo's mouth to suck up the water and spit it out to sea."
UnSignpost change reported to be a hoax
UnSignpost's dramatic changes that have taken place over the last day are said to have been a cover for a coup between the Chief Editors. Chief Editor ScottPat went as far as admitting to this on Chief Editor Anton's talk page. In a mixture of deluded speech and tyrannical laughter, ScottPat waved Anton's queries about the change away with the comment that it was all part of his master plan to take over UnSignpost and create a new job title of Lord Chief Editor of UnSignpost.
ScottPat half blamed his moves on the fact that there was a lack of British people playing baddies in films he has watched although he clearly has never seen UnSignpostor his coup in which he intends to overthrow Anton and restore himself upon the UnSignpost Throne, aptly named, "The Crooked Chair on top of the Pile of Dung." Anton has prepared a defence of UnSignpost and has already tried vandalising the main page and blaming it on ScottPat. It is fair to say that as these two titans of the less-important userbase draw their armies up against each other a match of a lifetime will begiun in which both will do anything to win over the other.
Random members mess up with the USP
Despite efforts to resist the temptation to mess with the USP, a recent trend has arisen where active members are messing with the look of the USP. And by “members” we don't mean penii, but you could be forgiven for thinking so.
“What kind of idiot adds a story to the bottom right hand side of the USP?” one such genital innuendo cried in vain. “We reserve that space for random filler, like biographies of users, or announcements of significant concern that everyone wants to know!”
“A change is as good as a holiday.” Stated an increasingly active penis, before realising that he was supposed to have a real life and returning to his undeserved sabbatical. Meanwhile admins waved their ban sticks in a completely non-phallic manner.
More news will appear in random locations as it comes to hand.
VFH Nominations and Features
Top Feature of the week
Top VFH Nomination
- Ambiguity (7/0)
- Unfortunately, all the other nominations have scores of +5 and less.
People archive their talk pages
Uncyclopedia is a victim of a strange epidemy. This week, one by one, as if members of a strange sect, at least three members archived their talk pages. These were Shabidoo, Romartus and Simsilikesims. Even Spike was partly influenced by them. And strangely enough almost none of these users got raped! The only possible explanation for this unusual phenomenon is the fact that three of the users are administrators.
Your humble servant, the author of this article changed the situation and reorganised Shabidoo's talk. Oddly enough, as if people completely forgot what vandalism was, his edits were kept and even appreciated! The author is extremely woodstruck by this, he now has difficulties with referring to himself in the third person and will go and archive his own talk page.
The first official interview, lead by an UnSignpost editor
- Journalist: Hi, Sims! You are probably aware of the fact that you are the only active administrator of Uncyclopedia, who is subscribed to our newspaper. Do you have any explanation for this? Anton (talk) 19:20, October 30, 2013 (UTC)
- No, but I'm sure the other admins do! I do have one theory however - the other admins visit subscribers' pages often enough to read the UnSignposts posted to other peoples' pages. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 22:24, October 30, 2013 (UTC)
- Other Admin in Trench Coat: I get my copy off the news-stand, thank you. Spıke Ѧ 22:28 30-Oct-13
- Journalist: Clever! Now, do you think that reading our newspaper increases the chances of a user becoming and administrator? Or maybe diminishes them? Anton (talk) 11:43, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
- Definitely not an admin Only if it gives tips for giving better oral sex. • Puppy's talk page • 12:06 31 Oct 2013
This interview will be continued and published on the UnSignpost's main page and may be even present in the next issue.
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