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Today's featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.
The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)
The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)
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June 2: Doris Day
 - 455 – The Vandals plunder Rome, forcing the admins to revert to an earlier edit.
- 1774 – The Quartering Act, which allowed for people to be drawn and quartered, is reenacted by a small community theatre to poor reviews.
- 1801 – Napoleon Bonaparte is blown apart.
- 1866 - After practicing for rebellion in 1848 in Ireland, Irish patriots calling themselves Fenians invade Canada for more practice and take two towns. A British warship is installed in every duckpond and stop the attacks. The next practice would not be held until 1916.
- 1959 – The very first June bug is caught, but is determined to be a mayfly that stumbled across the International Date Line.
- 1968 – Argentina reports the first case of human flu in birds. A cull of 20,000 humans is carried out.
- 1995 – Children are discovered in North Korea, dispelling the rumor that North Koreans reproduce asexually using WMDs and fascism.
- 2001 – The first HAL9000 supercomputer is recalled by manufacturer Itsa Bigga Machine, eh?TM.
- 2003 – The European Space Agency begins probing Mars. Europeans promise to colonize Mars, give Martian natives smallpox, and spur intergalactic wars of independence.
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