April 2, 2006 - April 11, 2018

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about MSN.

Simple example of what happens to people when there is no one to talk to on their contact list.

This is what happened to the "MSN Guy" when he would not refrain from aggravating the Mafia.

MSN or "Man Sex Network" is a collection of Internet services provided by Microsoft. Initially released accidentally on August 24, 1995, the range of services has not changed. Hotfail was then introduced, a service to replace all in-person and physical relationships with online chatlogs and emoticons.

MSN was largely re-branded in 2006 when Microsoft overhauled its online software and services in a climate of increasing competition from rivals such as Gargole, Yak who? and Skip.

In the United States, this is just a content provider and search engine. It is additionally a ISP (ice-cream sucker party). With 9 subscribers, MSN is the second largest ice-cream sucker party in the US behind AOL ~~suckers~~ service with 26.5 people, the .5 being a Hobbit by the name of Fredrika.

The term "MSN" has come to be synonymous with MSN Messenger in internet slang. To use MSN services, the users must let Microsoft hack their computer using Microsoft Hacking Device and huff all the "SYSTEM 32" files. One can sign up using any e-mail address and can then use personalised MSN features requiring the use of a Microsoft Hacking Device. These personalised features include "MyMiniSexNutter", "Hotfail" and the ability to sign into "Widow's Laxative Mess"(formerly MSN Messer), and the now retired Widow's Mess.

History[edit]

msn messenger virus

OMFG Tom shields is a tosspot, i hate him so much.. do u richard and ollie?

Widow's Mess -> MSN Messer -> Widow's Laxative Mess.

Omfg we hate zac efron! >:]

The Percentage Of MSN Users[edit]

Keroro & Pluton - 100%
Normal People - 9%
Crazy psychos - 17%
Ducks - 23%
Satanists - 11%
Bogans - 200%
Dead people - 39%
People that don't get enough sex - 90%
Human - 35%
People who work for Microsoft - 0%
Spies - 78%
Animals - 23%
Aliens - 42%
Single Moms - 51%
Your mom - 34%
Paedophiles - 100%! We should totally meet up and talk about it.
Weeaboos - OVER 9000!!! Percent
People who struggle with the concept of percentages - 764.3%
People who don't give a shit about percentages - +/- 5826 %
Teenage girls without boyfriends - 1%
Teenage girls WITH a FU$%ING boyfriend <3 luvU - 100000000000000000%%
People without a life 4%
People who like the name Luke 64%
People who actually enjoy talking through the internet 0.1%
Nvidia video card users - 0.1%
Ati video card users - 99.9%
Win7 users - 100.1%
what the fuck - 1%
isnt this lame? - 929129219219291%?
http://google.com - 1337%
whatafucka - 1337 not %
Please read the Beginner's Guide, and please be funny and not just stupid. You agree to license submissions under CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0. - -199%

Flash! Flash![edit]

When Satan's Secretary of Human Punishment (Dick Cheney) conducted a research to how an internet service could be as evil as the bowels of hell, he concluded that MSN really was a MSN (Massive Sex-oriented Network), and WLM continues to be WLM (Whorish Lamentation Media).Therefore, both Conservatives and Hippies have turned their backs on the service, claiming both "Sex should be for a sacred purpose!" (procreation) and "Sex should be for a.. a sacred purpose, mannnn!" (Midget loving, though some believe kitten huffing to be involved).The radical drop in use of the MSN or WLM services frightened Minisin to no end, while Gargole's Instant Masturbatory service sky-rocketed.

Side-Effects[edit]

Please note that the following side effects may be experienced when using MSN:

Loss of mind
Loss of life
Loss of temper
Loss of memory
Loss of chance of loss of virginity. (Even if you've had sex).
Any messages you may type to others can and will be checked by MSN and promptly not delivered to all recipients unless much promotion of the MSN corporation or it's affiliates ~~is included~~ is your message in it's entirety.
Believing in every single chain mail message that some paedophile/moron/conservative christian sends you
Waiting for Bill Gates to invent a pc you can have sex with
Loss of memory
Badly writing up lyrics from random rock songs into your MSN name
Loss of memory

So please bear the following facts in mind when using MSN:

Your computer/laptop cannot survive the drop out of your window, so try to refrain from throwing it there, and instead throw it somewhere safer.
MSN reserves the right to screw you over as and when it feels like it, for its own amusement, or the amusement of its friends in order to look cool.
Before using MSN, you must sign over your soul to the boss of the MSN corporation, in accordance with MSN's damnation decree.
Never EVER call MSN the most evil product in the world, ~~even though it is~~. Anything "most evil" falls under license of Torture Inc., the multinational corporation started by Saddam Hussein, which had a corporate takeover by Satan Industries since then, who now owns that, Apple, WIindows, and possibly Valve, allthough the latter is to be confirmed. Saddam reserves the right to endorse Torture Inc., and does it merrily.
You should delete every single message you receive, even the ones that are not junk.
You will experience a severe lack of friends.
you will turn ~~homosecksual~~ gay

The Average MSN Conversation[edit]

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: sup

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: nmu

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: nm

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k

long pause*

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: brb

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k lol

after 10 miutes*

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: bak

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: k

0101Traces..::.23.001 says: g2g

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says: cya

$$$Brandogg=sex$$$ says:sht

Standard MSN Conversation between a male and a female[edit]

Female: holla
Male: was up nigga
Female: i feel horny?
Male: ummm... are u drunk?( a big pause)....
Female: no juss felling alone and horny? (with a heart smiley)
Male: lets have computer sex
long silence*
Male: *With slightly more interest* do u hav a webcam?
Female: yea baby, y?
Male: can u turn it on plz?
Female *Turns webcam on*
Male: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam
long silence as Female tries to get comfortable for the male.
Female *female shows part of breast and the male starts to jack off*
Male *i juss had a big reaction

Standard MSN Conversation between a male and a female who have not talked before[edit]

Male: Hey there!
Female: Hiya!
Male: asl?
Female: Umm... 15/f/AL
Male: lol
Male: were u live?
Female: um...
Male: lol i am 16/m/CA
Female: lol
Male: u got webcam?
Male: ?
Female: lol yeahh...
Male: want to strip on cam
Female: lol k
Female strips for Male
Male im done
Male has disconnected

(Habachi is gay)

Female Laughs

Standard MSN Conversation with two shy horny teens (14 year old boy and 13 year old girl)[edit]

Coolguy14: hey
emochick: hi asl
Coolguy14: 14/m u
emochick: 14/f lol
long silence*
Coolguy14: so
emochick: so
short silence*
Coolguy14: wuu2
emochick: nm u
Coolguy14: nm
long silence*
Coolguy14: what u wanna do
emochick: idk u?
short silence*
Coolguy14: idk
long silence*
Coolguy14: u got a bf
emochick: no why?
short silence*
Coolguy14: u want one?
emochick: yh
short silence*
Coolguy14: maybe me?
emochick: wot
Coolguy14: i can be ur bf
emochick: yh can i be ur gf
Coolguy14: yh
emochick: cool
Coolguy14: cool
silence as they both get undressed in their bedrooms*
Coolguy14: i luv u
emochick: aww that nice
Coolguy14: we be togethr forever
emochick: yeah baby
emochick: you make me so hot
Coolguy14: ok

Standard MSN Conversation between 2 people who know each other (mostly in UK)[edit]

1:* hi
2:* hi
1:* you ok?
2:* yeah, you?
1:* yeah, wuu2?
2:* nm u?
1:* nm
2:* kool

Standard MSN Conversation between two male furries who haven't met[edit]

Yiffsalot: Woof! ^^
Merfy McMerfmerf: Yip! *Cuddles* ^^
Yiffsalot: Wanna yiff?
Merfy McMerfmerf: Sure!
Yiffsalot:Yiff, yiff, yiff!

Yiff Commences

Standard MSN Conversation between a regular male and a furry male[edit]

Yiffyfox: Woof! Hi! ^^
KT: ...
Yiffyfox: Whassa matter? o.o *whines, pokes, and puts up a crying fox emoticon*
KT: You are.
Yiffyfo: How? *whinnies and puts his cock back in*
KT: You're a furry.
Yiffyfox: That's mean. *cries* You should learn to respect my beliefs! I was a beautiful wolf in my past life!
KT: You're an idiot.
Yiffyfox: OMG FURSECUTION!
KT: *Disconnects from MSN*
Yiffyfox: *Looks up cub porn*

Standard MSN conversation between You and Your mom[edit]

Yo_momma0923: Hello darling.
MeMyselfandI_933: Hi, err mom? You have MSN?
Yo_momma0923: Of course darling.
MeMyselfandI_933: Err... well ok
Yo_momma0923: lets have computer sex
MeMyselfandI_933: *With slightly more interest* do u hav a webcam?
Yo_momma0923: yea baby, y?
MeMyselfandI_933: can u turn it on plz?
Yo_momma0923: *Turns webcam on*
MeMyselfandI_933: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam

long silence as your mum tries to get comfortable for you.
your mum shows part of breast and you start to jack off*

MeMyselfandI_933: *i juss had a big reaction

Standard MSN conversation between You and Captain Falcon[edit]

You123: Hey Captain Falcon I Love to be...
Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!
You123: I was falcon punched!
Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!
You123: twice! YAY!
Captain_Falcon: FALCON PUNCH
You123: OK That one hurt A lot Please Don't Do...
Captain_Falcon: FALCON DEATH PUNCH
You123: Arghhh.

Standard MSN conversation between You and Captain Obvious[edit]

Captain_Obvious: Hi! I am talking to you!
Punk_in_hell: Hey erm sup cap't?
Captain_Obvious: I am on msn and u are asking me what i'm doing!
Punk_in_hell: erm... riiigght.
Captain_Obvious: Hey look! You just said "riiigght"
Punk_in_hell: You're boring dude.
Captain_Obvious: Hey! I'm not boring...
Punk_in_hell: <sighs> Finally! You're not stating obvious facts
Captain_Obvious: I am Captain Obvious!
Punk_in_hell has signed out
Captain_Obvious: Punk in hell has signed out! I am literally talking to myself here!

Standard MSN conversation between George Bush and Emo[edit]

George: hello
John: Hey
George: hows it going?
John: Nm, hbu?
George: oh u kno..
John: No idk
George: how do u run a country?
John: WTF
George: Ooh! I know! I'll start a war!
John: Give me strength...

Standard MSN conversation between bot and a human[edit]

human: Hi
bot: Hello there! May I know more about you?
human: errr.. no
bot: You can search for errr... by typing <search> followed by your query
human: omfg your so dumb
bot: Bots are not perfect, but you can help by sending feedback to http://www.mailinator.com
human: ...
bot: No please not the silence please. Type <home> to see the lists of thing that i can do!
human: do u hav a webcam?
bot: Yes, why?
human: can u turn it on plz?
bot *Turns webcam on*
human: (orgasms)
bot: Can you see what I see?
human: (orgassmss)
human died
human Disconnected

Standard MSN conversation between Michael Jackson and Random Little Boy[edit]

Michael Jackson: Holla
Little Boy: My mommy said im not aloud to talk to strangers
Michael Jackson: dw im friends with ur mommy
Little Boy: ok then
Michael Jackson: i feel horny?
Little Boy: ummm... are u drunk?( a big pause)....
Michael Jackson: no juss felling alone and horny? (with a heart smiley)
Little Boy: ok then...
long silence*
Michael Jackson: do u hav a webcam?
Little Boy: yeah, why?
Michael Jackson: can u turn it on plz?
Little Boy *Turns webcam on*
Michael Jackson: take your clothes off bb and get a lil closer to the cam
long silence as Little Boy tries to get comfortable for Micheal Jackson.
Little Boy Little boy shows part of testicles and Micheal Jackson starts to jack off*
Michael Jackson *i juss had a big reaction
Michael Jackson died
Little Boy Disconnected

Standard Conversation between Your Mom and Anyone[edit]

averageguy32542: sup!
Your Mom: ooooooooooooooooh haii smexy boi wana haz sum SMEX?!?!?!?!?!?!!? oooooh im so fuken horney rite no w!!!!
averageguy32542: ...

averageguy32542 has signed out

Standard Conversation Between Me And You[edit]

AppleGirl: OMG HEY!!
You: hi...
AppleGirl:Wanna have sex hotty?
You: Sure, i got some flavoured condoms.
AppleGirl: Cool i will be at your house in 10 mins.

End Conversation

Standard Conversation between Lauren and Morgan[edit]

Lauren: LOLLING HARD
Morgan: LOLD OS HARD
Lauren: LOLLING SO HARD
Morgan: im so horny
Morgan:
A massive white space clears screen*
Lauren: :|
Morgan:
Another massive white space*
Lauren: LOLD SO HARD

-End-

Standard Conversation between the lords and you[edit]

LORD DOOM says: Tomorrow dawns a new day for the rune. tomorrow you will witness my jack robot Dan says: Shutup please unless it really will happen LORD DOOM says: When you see jack tomorrow it won't really be him but a robot. LORD DOOM says: It acts just like the human jack but trust me it is a robot Dan: Whoa thats amazing. well i have no reason not to trust you, you are a trustworthy guy LORD DOOM says: Beware he will attack you tomorrow and the real jack was never your friend.

Standard MSN conversation between you and an idiot[edit]

sexmenow983: hello
btardlul69: IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!
sexmenow983: what is?
btardlul69: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
sexmenow983: Ok?
btardlul69: LONGCAT IS LOOOOOONG
sexmenow983: ...
btardlul69: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN
sexmenow983: idiot
sexmenow983 has signed out of messenger

Standard MSN conversation between noob and anyone[edit]

1337 n008: hey guysh
msnloser12: who are you?
1337 n008: 1 am 1337. pr3par3 t0 b3 PWNED
msnloser12: wtf? howd u get my msn?
1337 n008: 1 am 1337. duuhhhh. f00k1n9 ar53
msnloser12: wtf?
msnloser12 has just signed out
1337 n008: 5h17 1 wa5 5o g0nna g37 1aid

Beth...XXXXXXX Logs out.

Standard MSN Conversation between John Draper and a little boy[edit]

Little Boy: Oh Captain Crunch! You're my hero?
Crunch: Really? I'm so famous and important.
Little Boy: ...
Crunch: Let me show you some Yoga Techniques
Little Boy: Ok
5 minutes later
Crunch: Giddyup!
Little Boy: What's that limp slimey thing dragging on my back?
Crunch: Just concentrate on the energy!

Your money. Our jackpot prizes.

Detect "non-genuine" products
Gather user information and credit card numbers
Cripple core system components
Deploy legal team
Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Forever, or if you give me a cookie, I might shorten it to an hour.

Installing Windows has never been easiereasy

All you need to do is phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.

Related technology:

Windows Product line:

This copy of Microsoft Windows is not activated.

MSN

Contents