UnNews:Pence attacked by Antifa fly

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Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! UnNews Wednesday, October 21, 2020, 21:19:59 (UTC)

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9 October 2020

Mike Pence and the fly.

WASHINGTON, D. C. -- Vice President Mike Pence was attacked in a television studio, by a fly. The insect evaded security and a SWAT team as it silently buzzed around and landed in Mike Pence's hair. Eager to show he was in complete control, Pence endured the fly for over two minutes before it flew away under pursuit by Secret Service agents heavily armed with insect repellent.

Staying calm and collected as he took part in the vice presidential debate with his rival, Kamala Harris, Pence later explained he hadn't wanted to show any fear in case people took alarm. Similarly, President Donald Trump confided to Bob Woodward that he papered over the coronavirus because the Dow Jones Average was on an "awesome run." The fly was later identified as a member of Antifa as it was a black fly, the protest group's signature color.

An unconfirmed sighting of Pence

"I knew the pesky fly was there," said Pence "but I wanted to show I was not going to be intimidated. In fact, this fly gave me a harder time in the debate than Harris. I have since prayed to God about this and now see it as a religious sign. That the fly avoided my rival's head and landed on mine shows how this election is a fight against the Antifa-Democratic Party-Chinese Communist alliance."

Pence later went on to cough a bit and was taken away from seeing anyone else. Political rivals suggest the fly bit Pence and he will now change into something unnatural. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says the House of Representatives will debate a bill giving it a say in the competence of executive-branch leaders under the 25th Amendment, or maybe the 2nd, or something.

Pence has since returned to the White House, where he cannot be pried from a second-story window, gazing at blue lights atop police cars on Pennsylvania Avenue pursuing a citizen protest. The fly has since disappeared. It had been booked to appear on NBC to talk about the debate but did not turn up. NBC had to make do with Michael Cohen — again.

Sources[edit]