Mike Pence

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Mike Pence saying "Hi" to his many secret admirers, you know who you are.

'Michael Richard "Mike Dike" Pence (born June 7, 1959) is the Vice President of the United States of America currently. In his home state of Indiana, he is known as a local hero for killing Sasquatch, burning Sasquatch, and possibly fucking Sasquatch(although this last one has not yet been proven by the cast of Hamilton yet.)


He was born in Christopher Columbus, Indiana. It was when he turned 7 that he first kicked Bigfoot in the testis, an achievement that would be praised by his family and hometown for years to come.

Entrance to Politics (Sasquatch Hunting)[edit]

Pence started off with a degree from Chewbacca Killers University as a Democrat who voted for Jimmy Carter in the 1980 election, but became somewhat religious converting to the sect of Christianity known as Born again. He eventually screwed enough people over to not only become the Representative of his area for the House, but also became the Governor of Indiana.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mike Pence.

The Depths of his Politics[edit]

The sole reason Donald Trump selected Pence to be his bitch for the next 4-8 years, was primarily because Trump may be able to grab the pussy, but Pence can bang your mum. This gives Trump excellent assassination insurance, as no one wants their mum banged by the man with the world record of muthafucking. He also is a staunch supporter of the Patriot Act, which has slowly made our civil liberties fade away into obscurity since 2001. He also has promoted the ban of all things fun, such as marijuana, booze, and even Gambling.

Fear of Adultery[edit]

Pence is known to be scared of touching or being any other woman besides his wife. Doctors have called this Advanced Mummy's Boy Syndrome. The Vice President is also convinced that he is so good looking that women will tempt him like Eve with Adam.

Waiting for Trumpo[edit]

Only a matter of time...